I'm away teaching a Biblical Leadership class for the week. It's a great opportunity & an area of passion for me!
Last year as a result of this class, a couple students were inspired to do something practical for orphan care. After a couple of meetings together with them, they organized "Run For Justice" and promoted it on their spring tour. They raised over $4000 that went directly to a baby home (that had just been started in the previous months) in Durban, South Africa. Pretty cool! And amazing what a few 'poor students' can do!
Today I got to visit with a woman/student here who was adopted from Pakistan. It was encouraging to hear her views and how great of a thing it has been in her life despite the original loss. Her family took her on a trip back to Pakistan when she was in grade 8 and she said it was the most difficult thing she has done in her life - but extremely good. It seemed like it was important for her to see where she was born and experience the people, culture, & land, but it also seemed to cement her place of belonging with her family too. She loves the people & the country even more because of the visit, but clearly saw her place of belonging as being with her family in Canada.
Just to ramble for a bit....
It was good to hear, because as a parent I sometimes wonder/worry about what my son (and future kid/s) will feel & think about during his teenage years. And I already feel inadequate about the kinds of questions I may never be able to answer for him - about his earliest life, why he had to experience suffering & loss so little, etc. That said, I fully intend on helping him cement his identity & belonging as securely as possible all throughout life - because all of us have questions we will never be able to fully answer. Maybe it's just better to be honest about what we know and then not label things as 'adoption related' in our minds. Maybe it's just life as a part of a family? I'm sure someone will think I'm insensitive for thinking this way... But maybe it's helpful to relate to each other in our most basic human ways instead of finding ways to marginalize & segregate ourselves or others. Sensitive to differences, but all still human. Every teenager struggles with identity & belonging. Maybe it's just that adopted kids might have a different set of questions or feelings. I'm already trying to teach my kids that their acceptance in our family is not based on their performance or whether we parents approve of all their decisions throughout their life. We love them & will be there for them no matter what - whether they are smart or athletic or musical or none of the above. They are a part of this family whether they choose to contribute to society or sit on a couch the rest of their life. I obviously want a lot more for them than a couch!!! But their place in our family is assured & unchanging.
This is all hypothetical for me (of course) since we've got a number of years before we hit the teenager stage! We've also got a book or 2 coming in the mail that might change my view about the teen years for adopted kids!
later,
I.B.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Praying for 2 kids to find families
I've been praying for a couple of little guys & thought I'd share them with you - they've managed to grab my & Super Lu's heart over the last 5-6 months as they wait to be adopted. We are praying that they will find a family soon & that they will excel where they are currently receiving care. Their names are Kenny & Calvin (not related at all). And I do have permission to share this!!
Here's Kenny!
And Calvin!
Here's Kenny!
And Calvin!
Don't they look like awesome boys!?!
Too bad we have to be age 35 or older to adopt them. Part of the difficulty in finding them some willing parents is that they are both HIV+ and there is still a lot of stigma, stereotypes & fear out there around this disease - which is now considered a chronic but manageable condition (huge potential for a full & healthy life). So if you know of anyone who might be interested, you can learn a little bit more about them at Reece's Rainbow on THIS page. Or if you want to give a few dollars toward their adoption (or sign up to pray for a child with special needs), check out the website!
Or if you want to know more about the growing movement of families adopting children with HIV, check out Project Hopeful.
I.B.
Follow up to adoption reflection post
Whenever I talk with guys who are struggling with wanting or ready to be a dad, I remember some of the conversations I had with one of my mentors between 2002-04. Lloyd has got 40+ years on me, so his wisdom & perspective are always welcome!
A few years into marriage, I really wasn't sure I wanted to have kids. When we were first married I thought I'd like 6-10. Maybe it was just a joke so that I could buy a 15 passenger van and make it into a 'dually'. You know, with 2 back tires on either axle? And maybe dvd players & a fridge. Very soon after though, I didn't want ANY kids. It was a dark thought, but I seriously wondered why I would want to bring more souls into this world to experience pain and that would run the risk of being separated from God. And even more than that, selfishly I honestly didn't think I had enough capacity for love in me. I thought that loving my wife was maxing out my ability (she's awesome - I just didn't think I had much in me!). Beyond that, I should never be asked to help out with a nursery or children's programs or elementary school.
In the space of a few weeks, it seemed like God was addressing my fears thru Lloyd and another father (Norm - who told me he wished he never let money or plans get in the way of having more kids - even though he had 4 already), and the book of Malachi. So my heart was changed somewhat dramatically in the space of under a month. After we had Sparkles, I discovered that I could love another (and not at the expense of loving my wife like I had feared). But I still thought that was the maximum. How could I possibly love yet another? Then we had Mario. And I had no more excuses!
So now Lloyd laughs & smiles with me whenever we talk about my kids (and every time that I share with him that we are expanding our family further - which seems like every year....).
I honestly thought I was done having kids after Spark Plug came along. At that time, 3 seemed like a good place to stop. For us, the transition from 2 to 3 kids was the most difficult. But I committed to my wife that I would keep praying about it and try to be open to the option and she committed to not bringing it up TOO much. It would inevitably come up and we'd talk about it, only to find that we were still in very different places.
We do something every time a child enters our family - we put a moratorium on talking about having more kids for a certain period of time. It's usually only 6-7 months - time enough to get into a routine, find some sleep, recover from hormones, etc. That meant that after Spark Plug, Super Lu was waiting for over 18 months past that point. If you know me & Super Lu, then you know that's an insane amount of time for us to wait & make a decision. Then God changed my heart in a day. Literally. And I don't say that lightly.
All the while that we were praying about whether to have another child, I had been praying about something else as well because of a question I asked based on studying Nehemiah 1-2 in the OT. It was simply 'what do I have to leverage for something after God's heart?' Literally a year & a half question that I had been struggling with. Because I thought I had already been doing that! So there's some pre-amble....
And here's 'the one day' in simplest terms: My wife & I were at a leadership conference together and heard someone share briefly about their adoption experience. We both looked at each other (we still remember where we were sitting) and instantly knew that adoption was how we were suppose to expand our family next. All of the sudden I went from being against having more kids, to instantly being willing to dive into the adoption process (and sometimes get my paperwork for it finished faster than Super Lu). And instantly I knew at least one answer to 'the leverage' question: we had a stable, loving family that loved God that was more than willing to accept another family member - no matter where they were from. And we had a little bit of influence & some ability to try new things to raise awareness about the orphan crisis in our world. That's what we had to leverage.
We had talked at various times in our marriage about fostering or maybe adopting and had sponsored kids over the years, but everything changed that day.
One day.
I guess all God needs is a single moment. That's either really encouraging or really scary.
FYI - our 'moratorium' for considering child #5 lasted all of 2 weeks after meeting Dude. So much for 6-7 months at minimum! And so much for wondering whether I could love someone else in my family beyond my wife!
The leverage question came up again shortly after we met Dude and led us to leverage & be open to more. But that's another post sometime...
I.B.
A few years into marriage, I really wasn't sure I wanted to have kids. When we were first married I thought I'd like 6-10. Maybe it was just a joke so that I could buy a 15 passenger van and make it into a 'dually'. You know, with 2 back tires on either axle? And maybe dvd players & a fridge. Very soon after though, I didn't want ANY kids. It was a dark thought, but I seriously wondered why I would want to bring more souls into this world to experience pain and that would run the risk of being separated from God. And even more than that, selfishly I honestly didn't think I had enough capacity for love in me. I thought that loving my wife was maxing out my ability (she's awesome - I just didn't think I had much in me!). Beyond that, I should never be asked to help out with a nursery or children's programs or elementary school.
In the space of a few weeks, it seemed like God was addressing my fears thru Lloyd and another father (Norm - who told me he wished he never let money or plans get in the way of having more kids - even though he had 4 already), and the book of Malachi. So my heart was changed somewhat dramatically in the space of under a month. After we had Sparkles, I discovered that I could love another (and not at the expense of loving my wife like I had feared). But I still thought that was the maximum. How could I possibly love yet another? Then we had Mario. And I had no more excuses!
So now Lloyd laughs & smiles with me whenever we talk about my kids (and every time that I share with him that we are expanding our family further - which seems like every year....).
I honestly thought I was done having kids after Spark Plug came along. At that time, 3 seemed like a good place to stop. For us, the transition from 2 to 3 kids was the most difficult. But I committed to my wife that I would keep praying about it and try to be open to the option and she committed to not bringing it up TOO much. It would inevitably come up and we'd talk about it, only to find that we were still in very different places.
We do something every time a child enters our family - we put a moratorium on talking about having more kids for a certain period of time. It's usually only 6-7 months - time enough to get into a routine, find some sleep, recover from hormones, etc. That meant that after Spark Plug, Super Lu was waiting for over 18 months past that point. If you know me & Super Lu, then you know that's an insane amount of time for us to wait & make a decision. Then God changed my heart in a day. Literally. And I don't say that lightly.
All the while that we were praying about whether to have another child, I had been praying about something else as well because of a question I asked based on studying Nehemiah 1-2 in the OT. It was simply 'what do I have to leverage for something after God's heart?' Literally a year & a half question that I had been struggling with. Because I thought I had already been doing that! So there's some pre-amble....
And here's 'the one day' in simplest terms: My wife & I were at a leadership conference together and heard someone share briefly about their adoption experience. We both looked at each other (we still remember where we were sitting) and instantly knew that adoption was how we were suppose to expand our family next. All of the sudden I went from being against having more kids, to instantly being willing to dive into the adoption process (and sometimes get my paperwork for it finished faster than Super Lu). And instantly I knew at least one answer to 'the leverage' question: we had a stable, loving family that loved God that was more than willing to accept another family member - no matter where they were from. And we had a little bit of influence & some ability to try new things to raise awareness about the orphan crisis in our world. That's what we had to leverage.
We had talked at various times in our marriage about fostering or maybe adopting and had sponsored kids over the years, but everything changed that day.
One day.
I guess all God needs is a single moment. That's either really encouraging or really scary.
FYI - our 'moratorium' for considering child #5 lasted all of 2 weeks after meeting Dude. So much for 6-7 months at minimum! And so much for wondering whether I could love someone else in my family beyond my wife!
The leverage question came up again shortly after we met Dude and led us to leverage & be open to more. But that's another post sometime...
I.B.
Adoption reflection
I'm a slow learner. And not always in tune with the 'emotional' side of life....
Lately I've been learning/reminded about something important about adoption and the work I've been called into. It's all born out of brokenness. You probably already know this. I don't think about it too often because I tend to focus on opportunities more than the source of them.
Adoption is a tremendous opportunity for both family & child to experience greater love, joy, etc. But the reality is that adoption is born out of brokenness and tragedy. As wonderful as it is to play with my youngest son, wrestle with him (which he loved from the first night we were together), and watch him try to explore relationships & the world, I can only experience this amazing gift because of a tragedy that has happened. It's in every single adoptive situation. Bio parents are either dead, dying, unable or unwilling to care for a little one, have had cultural implications that mean their death or being disowned if they do not give up their child, experience of poverty, starvation, war, disease... and the list goes on. None of these are 'opportunities'. None of these things are what God originally intended for us. These are realities because we live in a broken and stained world.
So what motivates a person to enter into the adoption world?
For some, it's because of their own experience of tragedy or brokenness. Their bodies don't work the way they were designed to and are unable to conceive children. Or else they have conceived and lost them because of tragic circumstances. Honestly, for a few out there, it's because of vanity - they don't want their body to stretch or have to go thru the pain or _______. It's still brokenness - either in their identity (via finding their worth in how their body looks) or in simply coming face to face with the fact that something as awesome as childbirth is painful. Pain when having kids was not in the original plan. It all flows from brokenness.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: orphan care & adoption are not about being motivated by pity. Pity throws $20 at a problem. Mercy & love mean an investing of ourself. And thankfully, there are processes in place that protect children from parents that are only adopting out of pity. You cannot wade thru 15 pages of application, home study visits, and another 30+ document to fill out (along with all of the notarized documents & record checks & appointments), be judged on your parenting capabilities and still be relying solely on pity as a motivator. At that point it's far easier to have pity and give a monthly donation to a worthy cause. Adoption is an investment of our time, resources, emotions, hopes, dreams and dozens of other things (some intangible). Who can really measure the effects it has on your plans for the next few years or the affects it has on your health as you worry & wait & wonder?
Adoption is an option because evil taints everything & everyone.
Orphan care needs to happen because we live in a screwed up world.
BUT....
It is an opportunity. An opportunity for an undying hope to be shared, an example of love to be experienced, and a declaration that God is about redeeming our situation. That despite the terrible, there is tremendous news today & in our future. It's a beautiful opportunity to embrace a child as their father or mother and provide for them. It's a joy to expand your family in new & diverse & wonderful ways.
I'm not entirely sure where these guys (below) land on beliefs and obviously it's not talking about adoption or orphan care, but it's been a good song for me to listen to on occasion lately - and remember why we do what we do (and an allusion to where it comes from).
"I'm standing for everything we have.... This is why we do it. This is worth the pain. This is why we fall down & get back up again. This is where the heart lies. This is from above. Love is this. This is love."
Later,
I.B.
Lately I've been learning/reminded about something important about adoption and the work I've been called into. It's all born out of brokenness. You probably already know this. I don't think about it too often because I tend to focus on opportunities more than the source of them.
Adoption is a tremendous opportunity for both family & child to experience greater love, joy, etc. But the reality is that adoption is born out of brokenness and tragedy. As wonderful as it is to play with my youngest son, wrestle with him (which he loved from the first night we were together), and watch him try to explore relationships & the world, I can only experience this amazing gift because of a tragedy that has happened. It's in every single adoptive situation. Bio parents are either dead, dying, unable or unwilling to care for a little one, have had cultural implications that mean their death or being disowned if they do not give up their child, experience of poverty, starvation, war, disease... and the list goes on. None of these are 'opportunities'. None of these things are what God originally intended for us. These are realities because we live in a broken and stained world.
So what motivates a person to enter into the adoption world?
For some, it's because of their own experience of tragedy or brokenness. Their bodies don't work the way they were designed to and are unable to conceive children. Or else they have conceived and lost them because of tragic circumstances. Honestly, for a few out there, it's because of vanity - they don't want their body to stretch or have to go thru the pain or _______. It's still brokenness - either in their identity (via finding their worth in how their body looks) or in simply coming face to face with the fact that something as awesome as childbirth is painful. Pain when having kids was not in the original plan. It all flows from brokenness.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: orphan care & adoption are not about being motivated by pity. Pity throws $20 at a problem. Mercy & love mean an investing of ourself. And thankfully, there are processes in place that protect children from parents that are only adopting out of pity. You cannot wade thru 15 pages of application, home study visits, and another 30+ document to fill out (along with all of the notarized documents & record checks & appointments), be judged on your parenting capabilities and still be relying solely on pity as a motivator. At that point it's far easier to have pity and give a monthly donation to a worthy cause. Adoption is an investment of our time, resources, emotions, hopes, dreams and dozens of other things (some intangible). Who can really measure the effects it has on your plans for the next few years or the affects it has on your health as you worry & wait & wonder?
Adoption is an option because evil taints everything & everyone.
Orphan care needs to happen because we live in a screwed up world.
BUT....
It is an opportunity. An opportunity for an undying hope to be shared, an example of love to be experienced, and a declaration that God is about redeeming our situation. That despite the terrible, there is tremendous news today & in our future. It's a beautiful opportunity to embrace a child as their father or mother and provide for them. It's a joy to expand your family in new & diverse & wonderful ways.
I'm not entirely sure where these guys (below) land on beliefs and obviously it's not talking about adoption or orphan care, but it's been a good song for me to listen to on occasion lately - and remember why we do what we do (and an allusion to where it comes from).
"I'm standing for everything we have.... This is why we do it. This is worth the pain. This is why we fall down & get back up again. This is where the heart lies. This is from above. Love is this. This is love."
Later,
I.B.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
5 years ago - changes
Just for fun, here's a little snapshot of what 5 years ago looked like for 2 of our kids!
And currently!
Sometimes I still parent them like they haven't aged over the last 5 years.... I working on it. One jump I am not ready to make is into the cell phone world. There are at least 5 (out of 20) kids in Sparkles grade who have cell phones. Seriously?!?!
It's not just parenting that I get stuck in the past with - it's also in how I lead, how I act as a man, a husband, etc. For instance: I really never play video games (unless I race with Mario), but I find myself thinking from time to time that I should own an XBOX 360 or something. Super Lu bought be a game for the kids' Wii a year ago & I still haven't tried it yet.... Even though it's one more 'appropriate' to my age that I really wanted to play. Why would I need a video game system that I would never play other than to relive my teen/college years?
I wonder how much we miss out on when we get stuck or paused in our perceptions for 5+ years? And then I wonder what it will take to jump me back into the reality of today? Hopefully nothing too drastic....
Speaking of getting stuck in moments.... Here's a band I don't think I'll ever grow out of!
I.B.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Tough to get motivated!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
A great break from framing
My wife is a great cook! I can't wait for her to try making koeksisters sometime soon too (hint, hint)!
Monday, September 5, 2011
Time out with Mario!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Basement!
Our basement was poured yesterday. I was over today chalking lines for where everything goes and cutting out all the top & bottom plates and marking them out for studs, doors, closets, etc. I've also got at least 100 studs trimmed to the right height as well. Framing sure goes a lot quicker when I've got a clue & have done it before!!
For the record, Dude wanted to sit on the floor instead of a chair! The area in the picture is our future family room.
Later!
I.B.
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