Dear House,
Take that!!!!
4 out of 5 inspections completed!
Huge thanks to FIL for taking 5 days to work on the house (whether I could be there or not to help). Now on to gyproc & insulating the ceiling. And heat!
Triumphantly,
I.B.
Friday, December 9, 2011
House update
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Faith thoughts from kids (#5)
Mario informed us at the supper table a little while ago that he wanted to do something for someone because: 'God had told him in his heart to do it'.
It involved a little sacrificial living on his part, so I was amazed & proud. P.S. - that's not a phrase me or Super Lu have used around him. I asked him where he heard that before and he shrugged and replied 'that's just the easiest way to explain it'. So we talked about how it's important to check what we think is God's leading with the Bible.
Is that awesome or what?
I.B.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Faith thoughts from kids (#4)
Spark Plug: "God put the moon in the sky. But He needed a ladder."
Me: "God falls off his ladder into the ocean sometimes. That's why there's tsunamis."
Kidding.
Or am I???
Or am I???
Tsunamis are pretty amazing to me - if only they didn't hurt & kill people...
I.B.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Faith thoughts from kids (#3)
Spark Plug: "God painted us all. And painted whiskers on daddy, cause they're pwunny (funny)!"
We talked about how God painted people all sorts of wonderful colours - and as I was putting lotion on Dude's skin, we talked about how different skins (& hair) need to be cared for differently.
On a different topic:
Here's a song from a band I went to hear a week ago - date night with Sparkles (a lot of fun)! Somebody was bugging me about it until they found out I take all my kids on dates so that a) they get some intentional time with me & b) they learn that they should be treated very well on a date (for whenever the time comes!). I want the standards to be REALLY high.... So Sparkles & I enjoyed an ice tea and red velvet cupcake together while the band played - and when she got cold she got my coat to wear.
Yes... I'm already trying hard to discourage her away from lame guys.... It's subtle, but I'll admit it!
I.B.
On a different topic:
Here's a song from a band I went to hear a week ago - date night with Sparkles (a lot of fun)! Somebody was bugging me about it until they found out I take all my kids on dates so that a) they get some intentional time with me & b) they learn that they should be treated very well on a date (for whenever the time comes!). I want the standards to be REALLY high.... So Sparkles & I enjoyed an ice tea and red velvet cupcake together while the band played - and when she got cold she got my coat to wear.
Yes... I'm already trying hard to discourage her away from lame guys.... It's subtle, but I'll admit it!
I.B.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Faith thoughts from kids (#2)
Spark Plug (keep in mind she is 3): "Jesus is my heart. But he needs a flashlight."
Call me weird, but I used that to talk about humanity's depravity (in 3 year old terms). That we all need a light (Jesus) shone in our hearts & world. I think that's a little of what John 1 is about. And Psalm 138:23-24 - keep shining a flashlight in the dark recesses of our hearts.
I.B.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Faith thoughts from kids #1
A couple nights ago at bedtime:
Mario: (praying) "Thanks God for this awesome family. And thanks God for wedgies."
I was grumpy that night - until that moment!
FYI - wedgies are when someone forcefully pulls up the back of your underwear. Not something I would be thankful for.... I once saw 2 guys give a someone else a wedgie so bad that his head hit the roof....
I.B.
Mario: (praying) "Thanks God for this awesome family. And thanks God for wedgies."
I was grumpy that night - until that moment!
FYI - wedgies are when someone forcefully pulls up the back of your underwear. Not something I would be thankful for.... I once saw 2 guys give a someone else a wedgie so bad that his head hit the roof....
I.B.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
It gets old, but watch out!
It gets a little old that sometimes our family members & friends shake their heads at the energy, volume, and determination of our kids. I know that they are stubborn, cranky, loud & messy sometimes. And I hear that most 'reasonable' people only have a couple of kids these days. So sometimes we get asked 'how will you ever manage with 5 kids?'
Who cares?
The same way that we manage with 4? It's not a death sentence. Sure, there are times that I feel like hiding in the quiet pantry for a minute and eat the kids' halloween candy - but bedtime always comes each day.... maybe it's the junk food I want more than the quiet if I'm honest.
Who cares?
The same way that we manage with 4? It's not a death sentence. Sure, there are times that I feel like hiding in the quiet pantry for a minute and eat the kids' halloween candy - but bedtime always comes each day.... maybe it's the junk food I want more than the quiet if I'm honest.
However....
I am biased, but our kids are reasonably well behaved for their ages and are a tonne of fun. Someone was amazed that we took our kids camping - in a tent.... To me it's just a matter of perspective & willingness. Why wouldn't we keep doing things that we love & enjoy them altogether? And I make sure to leave them with someone else once or twice a year so that I can take my bride away from all of this craziness!!!
So I just tell these people: 'you better watch out when my kids are older. They are gonna be leaders that rock the world'.
With the hearts & passions they have now, they might just rock it while they are young too. And even if they don't, I'll still be behind them.
Adopting an older child is reminding me to be aware of my expectations and whether they are realistic or not (for all of our kids). So I can hope for the best and plan for the worst - they may do incredible things or they may finally move out of our home at 40 yrs old. They may be a doctor or clean a doctor's office. Either way, they've rocked & impacted my world in an amazing way.
I saw a quote while traveling a few months ago that really struck me. It said:
"a father is someone who lifts you up and holds you there forever."
That's what I want to be.
With however many kids are in our family.
And whoever they end up being.
With however many kids are in our family.
And whoever they end up being.
I.B.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
An Adoption & an Immigration
Been having short, but good talks with my wife over the last few nights about adopting an older child. Seems like we are having them daily - sorry Super Lu! There's a lot to process & consider - especially for me since I don't work with child development or the medical field! Our range of acceptance is a sliding scale as each day passes, so today the child joining our family would be somewhere between 4-6.5 years old. For perspective sake, she/he could be kindergarten age now????
We're realizing that there is a lot of little things that we take for granted as a family that will need to be constantly explained to our next child. This is what is going to happen at birthday parties & why (so don't worry!).... This is why we go to Sparkles' ballet concert or Mario's soccer game.... This is what a brother means..... This is your room and YOU get to choose what's in it... This is what family vacation is.... This is our tradition at Easter or at Thanksgiving or at Christmas.... It gets really cold here, so this is why you need to wear your mittens (and this is what mittens are)....
Not only is it an adoption into a family, at this age it's also an immigration. I can feel a little stressed entering a new culture, I can't imagine what it would be like for a little one who can process what's going on (of course a baby notices, but on a different level). Foods & tastes will be noticeably different (beef is more of a staple here and not as common there). Smells are a lot different (hopefully they like pine trees...). Even some words are different even if they speak English! The trees are all different... Some of the dirt is a different colour... There's suddenly a lot of white faces around with weird accents..... There aren't wired/electrified fences around homes.... We have gophers instead of geckos.... If they've been out driving in a car much, they'll notice there is really no one walking on the side of the highway (quite different than where they live)....
And snow... That will be a really fun day to watch! As will the day they get to meet their 2 brothers & 2 sisters!
It's going to be difficult for them not to be over-stimulated when they come home! There's a lot of changes coming - we're trusting that we'll have the patience & grace to deal with them lovingly.
I.B.
We're realizing that there is a lot of little things that we take for granted as a family that will need to be constantly explained to our next child. This is what is going to happen at birthday parties & why (so don't worry!).... This is why we go to Sparkles' ballet concert or Mario's soccer game.... This is what a brother means..... This is your room and YOU get to choose what's in it... This is what family vacation is.... This is our tradition at Easter or at Thanksgiving or at Christmas.... It gets really cold here, so this is why you need to wear your mittens (and this is what mittens are)....
Not only is it an adoption into a family, at this age it's also an immigration. I can feel a little stressed entering a new culture, I can't imagine what it would be like for a little one who can process what's going on (of course a baby notices, but on a different level). Foods & tastes will be noticeably different (beef is more of a staple here and not as common there). Smells are a lot different (hopefully they like pine trees...). Even some words are different even if they speak English! The trees are all different... Some of the dirt is a different colour... There's suddenly a lot of white faces around with weird accents..... There aren't wired/electrified fences around homes.... We have gophers instead of geckos.... If they've been out driving in a car much, they'll notice there is really no one walking on the side of the highway (quite different than where they live)....
And snow... That will be a really fun day to watch! As will the day they get to meet their 2 brothers & 2 sisters!
It's going to be difficult for them not to be over-stimulated when they come home! There's a lot of changes coming - we're trusting that we'll have the patience & grace to deal with them lovingly.
I.B.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
On Being A Pawn
This could be a horrible illustration, but hopefully you get my point....
If the adoption world is a game of chess, as a waiting adoptive parent I feel like a pawn.
Let me be clear: I know adoption is not a game, and that the 'prize' is not a child. The goal is bringing a child into our home, but it's not a game.
Most of us parents enter into the chess match feeling like we are a lot more in control than we really are. Beyond trying to choose a country to adopt from, the gender of child you would like, what age range you are open to (there are limitations with this too), or what health issues you would consider, you really don't have a lot of say in the rest of process. You can fight it a little & advocate, but in all honesty you are still limited in your control. You are really more like a pawn. A loving pawn with great intentions and fantastic dreams. But still a pawn. Not convinced? The province tells you if you can even move beyond your starting space & then the social worker makes the decision whether or not you are capable of being a parent (and moving another space)....
You are told to go here and get those checks completed (medical, financial, criminal, child abuse, etc.), then go there and fill out these forms (for your provincial government or immigration officials) and research & find a credible agency (to facilitate all the overseas work and deal with the thousands of problems you will never hear about - whenever possible, work with an agency that has a history of high level demonstrated integrity), and then wait. And wait some more. Until someone decides to advance you on the chess board. You only ever move one square at a time. There's no cruising through scenarios in leaps & bounds. It's not about your level of determination, connections, abilities, hard work, or 'go get it' attitude. You are the pawn. It's one little step at a time - but only when someone keeps advancing you, because you don't have a say. And that 'someone' who advances you on the board is always different, depending on what space you are at.
There is INCREDIBLE importance in just being a pawn. Too many people have abused the system and even worse, abused children by thinking they should be moving all the pieces. This is where corruption, evil and misrepresentation come in; it comes when people try to circumvent the process both at the local family level & agency level & government level & orphanage level & _______. So work with credible people, follow proper protocol, and research (very well) the people you do have a choice in working with!
There are so many people involved, who is the person moving the pieces in this chess set? Aside from God, I don't think there is one. There are probably at least a dozen - all with different priorities, areas of focus, and agendas... and holidays that always seem to come at inconvenient times for waiting parents! You are at the mercy & subject to the integrity of these strangers. There are days where it seems like a miracle that international adoption happens at all. But, this is why there are important laws & agreements in place.
Just stop and think about how many people are involved in so many different areas to facilitate one child being embraced into a loving family. To even get our documentation out of province, we had 3 people working with our entire file (+ all those people who we saw to get checks done - doctors, police officers, interpol, social workers, notaries, etc.) Then afterward, add in the immigration officials here in Canada + agency staff + overseas social workers & their employer + overseas immigration officials + overseas government officials + overseas judge + overseas clerks updating & filing adoption records + passport makers + __________..... Then add in all of the people who are trying to support you & resource you... It's really incredible that all of these pieces somehow work together (not to mention sometimes in different languages).
That's why I think that in the end, we are just a pawn.
UNTIL.....
you reach the other side of the board and bring your little queen or knight home. Then it's the greatest thing in the world to be a pawn! And you realize why it's so important to not be able to meddle or direct things.
Being 'just' a pawn means that children are more protected and that you have security & confidence in the legitimacy & need of your little one joining your family.
It still sucks being a pawn sometimes, but it's extremely important to be one in this process & nothing else.
Because this is ALL ABOUT THE KIDS, not the adults.
I.B.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Modeling & Mentoring
Had a great time with one of my mentor's a week ago! He's clearly out of my league on a lot of levels (has his doctorate, distinguished career in academia, and about 45 years older than me). I've been meeting with him for over 10.5 years (and another man for over 8 years as well).
If you don't have any mentors in your life, go find one. Today. Someone who is 'ahead' of you in some or all areas of life. Someone to give you counsel, challenge your thoughts & assumptions, someone who genuinely cares about you no matter what you accomplish (or don't), and someone to encourage you & model a walk of faith with Christ and who will build into you.
I've already distracted you from finding a mentor for 20 seconds too long.... Go find one. Seriously.
And the rest of the story for when you come back:
He was asking how the adoption plans were going & how the wait was going - so I shared about all the reading we've been doing about attaching & bonding with an 'older' child. Then he mentioned a little word I had not put much thought to yet - which probably seems like an obvious one. Modelling. Yep - he wanted me to do a photo shoot right there in the restaurant....
I had not considered that the son or daughter who is coming into our family may have no idea what a mom or dad looks like. I'm used to infants or babies joining our family. There's a good chance that our next child will have had 4-6 years without a dad or a day to day example of what that is. And it occurred to me how important the consistent and everyday experiences are in a child's formation (and mine!). Since most baby homes that we've heard of are mainly staffed with women, #5 may not have seen a dad or a significant & consistent male presence - let alone a loving one that is not going to change in a few months. It's a good thing I'm used to having my life on display constantly - initially with my profession & then with being a conspicuous family. I wonder with an older child if there will be times that they just sit & stare/watch.... At least it's been brought to my attention ahead of time so that I don't stop, stare back & wonder if there's something wrong with me...
The other realization I had was that I am fortunate to have some people modelling in my life - which is why a mentor is so important. The man I had lunch with this week has done a lot of modelling for me. I'm comfortable hugging another man because of him. And when I tell a couple of the guys I mentor that I love them and am behind them, it's because I had someone who has done that for me. And now I finally realize why he smiles whenever he sees me - because I smile whenever I see a guy I mentor (it's a kind of pride & affection that's hard to explain since you know both their extreme failings & their achievements & who they are at their core). And I can offer to those guys the same thing that was offered to me: "call whenever you need, no matter what time of day or night, and I will be there for you. And I will be here no matter what - whether you decide to sell baseball cards for a career or lead the world, I am here to invest in & support you."
That's had an impact on they way I approach fatherhood too - with a similar tone of support & 'no matter what'. I see God that way toward me - and my mentors reflect a little of that. My other mentor/coach is only 25ish years older than me & lives quite far away. I emailed him in October that I really needed to discuss something and he was online talking with me over the computer within 3 hours of sending the email. Pretty amazing to have people like this in my life.
So, if nothing else, get a mentor.
And be one for someone else.
And if you are of the inclination, pray your face off that I might be a capable father & model to #5 (along with our other kids)!
I.B.
If you don't have any mentors in your life, go find one. Today. Someone who is 'ahead' of you in some or all areas of life. Someone to give you counsel, challenge your thoughts & assumptions, someone who genuinely cares about you no matter what you accomplish (or don't), and someone to encourage you & model a walk of faith with Christ and who will build into you.
I've already distracted you from finding a mentor for 20 seconds too long.... Go find one. Seriously.
And the rest of the story for when you come back:
He was asking how the adoption plans were going & how the wait was going - so I shared about all the reading we've been doing about attaching & bonding with an 'older' child. Then he mentioned a little word I had not put much thought to yet - which probably seems like an obvious one. Modelling. Yep - he wanted me to do a photo shoot right there in the restaurant....
I had not considered that the son or daughter who is coming into our family may have no idea what a mom or dad looks like. I'm used to infants or babies joining our family. There's a good chance that our next child will have had 4-6 years without a dad or a day to day example of what that is. And it occurred to me how important the consistent and everyday experiences are in a child's formation (and mine!). Since most baby homes that we've heard of are mainly staffed with women, #5 may not have seen a dad or a significant & consistent male presence - let alone a loving one that is not going to change in a few months. It's a good thing I'm used to having my life on display constantly - initially with my profession & then with being a conspicuous family. I wonder with an older child if there will be times that they just sit & stare/watch.... At least it's been brought to my attention ahead of time so that I don't stop, stare back & wonder if there's something wrong with me...
The other realization I had was that I am fortunate to have some people modelling in my life - which is why a mentor is so important. The man I had lunch with this week has done a lot of modelling for me. I'm comfortable hugging another man because of him. And when I tell a couple of the guys I mentor that I love them and am behind them, it's because I had someone who has done that for me. And now I finally realize why he smiles whenever he sees me - because I smile whenever I see a guy I mentor (it's a kind of pride & affection that's hard to explain since you know both their extreme failings & their achievements & who they are at their core). And I can offer to those guys the same thing that was offered to me: "call whenever you need, no matter what time of day or night, and I will be there for you. And I will be here no matter what - whether you decide to sell baseball cards for a career or lead the world, I am here to invest in & support you."
That's had an impact on they way I approach fatherhood too - with a similar tone of support & 'no matter what'. I see God that way toward me - and my mentors reflect a little of that. My other mentor/coach is only 25ish years older than me & lives quite far away. I emailed him in October that I really needed to discuss something and he was online talking with me over the computer within 3 hours of sending the email. Pretty amazing to have people like this in my life.
So, if nothing else, get a mentor.
And be one for someone else.
And if you are of the inclination, pray your face off that I might be a capable father & model to #5 (along with our other kids)!
I.B.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Help on the weekend
Here's a quick shot of the work on the house over the weekend. That's poly going on the roof for my vapour barrier. We got most of the roof of the main floor finished and some of the walls. The 'we' was FIL, Putz, & myself. Tackleberry also showed up in time from Calgary to help for a few hours too. Expert was on hand as well for some days as a hired hand doing electrical. I think our latest night was 10:45, so not too bad. Fortunately I don't have to do this to the basement because I installed ICF - it's warmer & less labor but a little more cost (but I did it myself with some hired help).
Just for reference, these are 6 foot+ guys standing on a closet and the top of the extension ladder in our entry way - so they're actually fairly high up compared to what the picture looks like.
Maybe I'll do a photo tour sometime soon so you can get a feel for the place.
p.s. It's officially cold again.... -25C overnight.
p.s. It's officially cold again.... -25C overnight.
Later!
I.B.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Gross for Halloween
I enjoy walking around with my kids on my shoulders. Just maybe not when they are sick...
This weekend Dude sneezed while he was up there. And I mean SNEEZED - he seems to have a lot more stuff coming out of his nose at one time than any of the kids. I cleaned it up at the store, only to be driving home and find another gob on the side of my head. Super Lu had a good laugh at me. Thanks a lot!
There's the reason people are always looking at us in the store; it's not that we're a transracial family, it's that the idiot father is walking around with snot chunks on his head. And who says having a larger family is more expensive? I am clearly saving $$$ on hair gel....
Speaking of gross, this morning I was getting the kids ready for the school bus & daycare (I take the morning shift, Super Lu picks them all up). Dude's face was caked with nose run-off & then it was cooked on because he has a fever. Probably not going to daycare. Later, Spark Plug runs into the kitchen, says 'my throat hurts', runs to a corner, and proceeds to empty her guts all over the floor. Twice. Then she asks 'can we go now?'. She is an amazing patient when sick or injured (the last time I was away for meetings, she fell asleep getting stitches in her head at the ER late in the evening). Actually, our entire family are pretty good patients.
So I'm staying home today with 2 kids. I'll still be able to get some work done, but not as much as normal. I never have a shortage of work hours in a week, so this will be fine. Just hope the little ones will feel better soon.
I.B.
This weekend Dude sneezed while he was up there. And I mean SNEEZED - he seems to have a lot more stuff coming out of his nose at one time than any of the kids. I cleaned it up at the store, only to be driving home and find another gob on the side of my head. Super Lu had a good laugh at me. Thanks a lot!
There's the reason people are always looking at us in the store; it's not that we're a transracial family, it's that the idiot father is walking around with snot chunks on his head. And who says having a larger family is more expensive? I am clearly saving $$$ on hair gel....
Speaking of gross, this morning I was getting the kids ready for the school bus & daycare (I take the morning shift, Super Lu picks them all up). Dude's face was caked with nose run-off & then it was cooked on because he has a fever. Probably not going to daycare. Later, Spark Plug runs into the kitchen, says 'my throat hurts', runs to a corner, and proceeds to empty her guts all over the floor. Twice. Then she asks 'can we go now?'. She is an amazing patient when sick or injured (the last time I was away for meetings, she fell asleep getting stitches in her head at the ER late in the evening). Actually, our entire family are pretty good patients.
So I'm staying home today with 2 kids. I'll still be able to get some work done, but not as much as normal. I never have a shortage of work hours in a week, so this will be fine. Just hope the little ones will feel better soon.
I.B.
Friday, October 28, 2011
House update
So here's a picture of the exterior of the house as we approach winter. Super Lu has been doing a great job at choosing colors, products, etc. to make it all work. I'm looking forward to seeing how it all comes together.
Eventually there will be weathered cedar shakes in the peaks. The front of the garage & where the white house wrap is on the front room (my study) will be rock work (we're required to have at least 100 sq ft by the city). I've got some white tin pieces that will be bent around a 2x6 that will separate the siding (or rock work) from the shakes .
The garage floor gets poured within the next week & I am currently working on electrical & insulating the interior. Still waiting on basement duct work & furnace - been waiting over a month.... There's still some framing to do (bulk heads, etc.) so I can properly insulate & hang gyproc in house and garage roof. There's always something!!!!
And in other news, I finally succumbed and tried an energy drink. Unfortunately (insert begrudging resignation here), they are not bad.... I had a cola version which probably helped a lot. Not gonna lie, I'm mildly concerned about developing a mild addiction to them. It perked me up & gave me a lot of energy to work. And when I find something I like, I tend to ride that horse really hard.
Considering I just received word that I need to take a class or leave the degree I'm enrolled in (& then re-enter and take extra classes and spend extra $$$ and take even longer for my degree....), I may need to buy stock in the energy drink sector since I don't drink coffee. I'm 7 credits away from graduating. And if I don't get those done by April 9, then I have extra requirements because they have been re-working the degrees (but I don't have to enter a new program though - lesser of 2 evils at this point - both are extra work, but one is significantly less in time & cost than the other option). With everything else going on, it would probably take a miracle to get my distance learning credits done in time to graduate in April. I've been working at getting up around 6-6:15am this week in hopes of gaining some extra time in my day to do school work. The goal is 5:45 so I can start school or my work before Super Lu leaves for her job around 7:30. We'll see how this goes....
Maybe this is what I'll ask for at Christmas (notice the cola version - not the plain)? Some of you are puking just thinking about it! And carrots? Does that help? Maybe some steak too....
I.B.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Everyday Candid Camera
If you want to experience candid camera, spend a day in public with a transracial family.
For me, being a part of a transracial family, is (mostly) amusing as our family goes to malls or grocery stores or swimming pools or ________.
On the flip side, it gets amusing when we let our kids walk or play a few steps away from us (sometimes further depending if it's not a busy place). When Dude gets more than a couple steps away from the rest of us, strangers start looking around for who they think should be Dude's parents - even though we're right there. Our other kids can make it a least 3-4 times as far without any response from strangers. A few months ago, one older woman got very quickly disgusted - so we just stayed a few paces back as she started muttering under her breath & looking frantically around. She was obviously shocked when my wife picked Dude up & tickled him. I was glad this woman was at least looking out for a child's well-being - I'm not sure I want to know what her assumptions were though.... In most cases, it's interesting & mildly entertaining to watch - depending on the person. You can almost hear what they are thinking by watching their facial expressions. The lightbulb starts to go on when we pick Dude up or one of the kids tickles him or chases him (or honestly, sometimes pushes & runs - they all think it's funny to do to each other sometimes.... Super Lu doesn't like when I push her & run though...).
I know that this offends some parents to go thru, but really, what else should we expect?
We don't try to be gender-indifferent (or ignore it), so why would we try to ignore that we are different skin colors? That's ridiculous. We're not stereotyping or singling anyone out. We're equal but different. Not a big deal. Strangers see a different race and start looking for the corresponding parent. If you don't like it, then start petitioning to take matching games or card games or sports jerseys off the market. In the absence of information, our base response is to start matching the similarities. Most card games involve matching numbers or suits. I think matching similarities is how some people start to make friends. Even if you are playing a pick-up basketball game with a few friends & a few strangers, you still need a different color jersey or to go "shirts & skins" to differentiate who is on the same team. Matching is natural sometimes. It's the prejudices, stereotypes or assumptions that accompany it that can be incredibly destructive.
I'll tell you this: we will NOT be getting matching shirts for every time we leave the house as a family! We know who we're with - it's just fun to watch other people try to figure it out sometimes.
I.B.
For me, being a part of a transracial family, is (mostly) amusing as our family goes to malls or grocery stores or swimming pools or ________.
Sometimes the looks/responses/reactions get a little redundant - but we'll never escape it. Take for instance 2 days ago. We went to pick up pumpkins in the afternoon for the kids (at what I think is one of the more multi-cultural grocery stores in the city). I was walking with Sparkles about 15 steps behind the rest of the family and saw a couple start pointing & talking (different language - I couldn't understand) as Super Lu & the kids walked by. Actually, it just started with a stare - then they started talking rapidly & jabbing the air with their finger. I caught up & we stopped in the aisle for a bit. 2 minutes later these people were still talking and pointing. Apparently it sparked some kind of discussion.... Their faces went from looks of confusion to frowning to quizzical. I can only imagine what they were talking about. I don't think it was about my new jacket, but I can't be sure! The way they kept pointing, they must of thought that Dude's jacket really didn't match the rest of ours, because they kept coming back to him....
I know that this offends some parents to go thru, but really, what else should we expect?
We don't try to be gender-indifferent (or ignore it), so why would we try to ignore that we are different skin colors? That's ridiculous. We're not stereotyping or singling anyone out. We're equal but different. Not a big deal. Strangers see a different race and start looking for the corresponding parent. If you don't like it, then start petitioning to take matching games or card games or sports jerseys off the market. In the absence of information, our base response is to start matching the similarities. Most card games involve matching numbers or suits. I think matching similarities is how some people start to make friends. Even if you are playing a pick-up basketball game with a few friends & a few strangers, you still need a different color jersey or to go "shirts & skins" to differentiate who is on the same team. Matching is natural sometimes. It's the prejudices, stereotypes or assumptions that accompany it that can be incredibly destructive.
I'll tell you this: we will NOT be getting matching shirts for every time we leave the house as a family! We know who we're with - it's just fun to watch other people try to figure it out sometimes.
I.B.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Congratulation, Traction & get the Led out!
Fantastic news!
One of the boys I've been praying for has been adopted! Kenny is now under the 'my family found me' section of Reece's Rainbow website. How awesome is that!!?!?! Congrats Kenny!!!!!
One of the boys I've been praying for has been adopted! Kenny is now under the 'my family found me' section of Reece's Rainbow website. How awesome is that!!?!?! Congrats Kenny!!!!!
Keep praying for a family to find Calvin!
In news relating to our next adoption: our adoption journey seems to be gaining some traction again. Wheels are always spinning in the adoption world, but sometimes it does not look like any ground is being gained. Licenses are now in place with agencies on both sides of the ocean, so referrals will begin within the next couple months. Travel is still not recommended because of a CIC advisory/investigation, but we are hopeful that it will be lifted in the next few months.
Time passing away is difficult for any waiting parent & waiting child. To be honest, the wait seems a little more 'loaded' our 2nd time thru the process because of adopting a child that's between 3.5-6.5 years old. What kind of memories are they making & patterns are they forming? Those are some pretty huge years for development & formation & identity... Imagine suddenly adding a kindergarten kid into your home right now from another country. That's kind of a big deal. It probably sounds like a jerk thing to say, but I feel like it's more difficult for a 5 year old to wait another 6 months for a family than it is for a newborn. They could be starting school.... But that's probably because of how invested I am. I know that every kids needs a family ASAP.
I've wondered lately if adopting an older child (and a 5th one at that) changes things in people's minds. Maybe it's just that people think we are ridiculous for having a 5th child join our family (or more). When we went in to meet with our doctor when Super Lu found out she was pregnant with our 3rd child (Spark Plug), the doctor said: 'you DO know why THIS keeps happening, right?'. If 3 seems like too much, I can only imagine what 5 sounds like. Once our next son/daughter is home, we'll have 5 kids within 6 years of each other. So I guess it sounds a little nutty! We've become that odd-ball family. But to be brutally honest, it hasn't slowed me down any. This is our best attempt at discerning God's plan for how He wants us to build our family & live for Him. That's kind of a big deal to us. I will cringe (and pause a little) if I ever need to buy a 12 passenger van though.... 7 of us will still fit in a minivan or a suburban. And let's be honest - any more kids than that & we are not going very far for vacation. Camping a few hours away might be a 2 vehicle trip at that point. WOW. Just realized that soon we may need 2 campsites depending on where we go. That is really weird....
Being a decent sized family is extremely good though. We just had a family movie night tonight - it was really refreshing. I got to cuddle with all the kids at different times & watch them dance to the closing credits & then we chucked balls at each other. SO MUCH FUN. Did you know that they are telling teachers not to do that in school? They are not suppose to make kids think of each other as targets. I get it. But really? Do I want to live in a world without dodge ball or 'doctors & nurses'? And apparently there are no more brainstorming sessions because it's too violent. I'm serious. They are now called having 'brainshowers'. This is ridiculous. Someone is laughing at us & making too much money off of these things. I'm sure that some foreign mastermind is already plotting to take over our country when our children are grown... If they can't even use the word 'storm', then we'll be ripe for the taking. I might be messed up & have some aggressive-type issues to deal with though - I just realized that when we worked at camp, my wife & I's camp names were 'Storm' & 'Turbulence'. I'm open to taking donations for counseling.... Turbulence was quite fitting. I was the first caretaker to take out the fire house on the last day of camp. Camp staff & campers might have been targets those days....
Anyway, you can tell I'm really tired because I'm rambling... I think it's time to get the Led out...
I.B.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Excuses
I try to live without excuses, complaining, regrets or reserves, but it gets difficult some days. This is a day I feel like making excuses or complaining.
But I won't.
I may go to bed early though. 10:30 could be nice.
Maybe I'll even watch some tv....
In some random weird way, I kind of feel like Garfield right now - only I'm not craving lasagna. Hopefully nobody looks like Odie in the next few hours - they may be in for the surprise of a lifetime!
I.B.
Monday, October 17, 2011
You say go and I move my feet
There's a local band called 'Victoria Awake' that I enjoy listening to and (fortunately for me) they have their album release party in about a month.
3 out of the 4 guys in the band are a part of our church. Because this blog has a bit of an adoption/orphan care bent, I'll pass on to you (in case you didn't already know) that Putz & his wife are in the early stages of adopting internationally (he plays bass in the band). Also, the lead singer & his family have cleared their homestudy & will be starting to accept foster kids any day now. Pretty cool!
Check out one of their songs & lyrics at: Victoria Awake - 'This Melody'
"Draw me in; sell me out; I won't go easily
This thin existence is fleeting living for only me
And then you speak and I stand
You say go and I move my feet
You shout be whole and I sing
What is this melody that's ringing in my head"
Enjoy!
I.B.
3 out of the 4 guys in the band are a part of our church. Because this blog has a bit of an adoption/orphan care bent, I'll pass on to you (in case you didn't already know) that Putz & his wife are in the early stages of adopting internationally (he plays bass in the band). Also, the lead singer & his family have cleared their homestudy & will be starting to accept foster kids any day now. Pretty cool!
Check out one of their songs & lyrics at: Victoria Awake - 'This Melody'
"Draw me in; sell me out; I won't go easily
This thin existence is fleeting living for only me
And then you speak and I stand
You say go and I move my feet
You shout be whole and I sing
What is this melody that's ringing in my head"
Enjoy!
I.B.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Party at the build?
Yesterday felt like a party at the build site. I had 2 visitors!
The head trustee from our church offered to come for the afternoon & side with me (she's a former farm girl with a solid work ethic). I'll have to think of a nickname for her.... Let me know if you have any ideas! We were 18-20 feet up on ladders with the wind gusting & it started to rain. Her last siding nail took a few minutes because her fingers didn't seem to want to work anymore in the cold! Having some help when working up that high (with 12 foot lengths of siding) was a huge help.
And then Putz stopped by at supper with a surprise of couple cheeseburgers & a coke. Had a great visit with him back at our rental while I shivered away the time - it's way too early in the year to be getting chilled like I did. I had told him a while back that I won't ask for help again until it's -20 out. It's been tempting lately, but I'll hold off asking till it's frigid out! I bug him that I really haven't seen much of him at the build since March (he's been working a lot of overtime), but I know the real reason: he prefers the arctic blast of death instead of basking in the refreshing summertime heat. That's why we call him Putz.
In other news that you probably don't care about, I have the biggest knot below my calf that I've had in a long time. I guess that's what happens when you spend the better part of the day on a ladder. There's no stretching guide or work out routine to prepare you for house building. And no, I will not be writing that book. Because frankly, I don't think any of us guys care. Actually, I feel ashamed that I even thought of that idea...
Anyway, yesterday was a lot of social interaction in a day for the build when I'm not hiring the help!
And here's a random picture. Even the kids stuffed animals have been over helping at the build & getting dirty. This is Spark Plugs 'Binky' on a trip to the dump a month or so ago. There's not suppose to be black grease on the face....
And here's a picture of our basement:
Later!
I.B.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Adoption talk in aisle 12
Guys are idiots about adoption sometimes. But not the dude in aisle 12.
I met a stranger at S*feway last night. We almost immediately got talking about adoption even though I didn't have Dude with me. Honestly, I expect that the conversation might go that way when I'm a white guy walking around with my african son. But I don't expect it when I'm just a guy buying a few quick groceries at closing time - alone. That's when it's a little strange (but good).
Oddly enough, it's getting more common for me to meet strangers who are thinking about, in process or have adopted. And it seems to happen to me without my kids around. Like on an airplane or a beach. Yep. It's officially weird. I never meet strangers who get talking about surfing or basketball or house building. I never even run into strangers who share the same profession as me where we just happen to strike up a conversation about it. It just happens with adoption. I've had some interesting talks with random guys about the country Dude was born in... (maybe that's another post in the future). But those only happen when I wear clothes that have the country's name on it.
So I checked my forehead & my clothing last night. There's nothing written on it about adoption. So I'm gonna chalk up these weird encounters to God arranging conversations...
Anyway, it turns out that this guy is a dad with 4 kids & he was adopted as a child. He really wants to adopt, but his wife hasn't been interested or supportive of the idea. So I listened & got to encourage him a little in aisle 12. And he seemed to get excited. It was a cool moment. And it was encouraging to me in a number of ways - one of which was that we had just had friends over for Bible study and were talking about God searching people out & going to them where they were at. Maybe S*feway was a spot that God was searching someone out last night? Hopefully that's the first talk of many with this guy - because adopting kids is amazing & incredibly important, but there's also a vertical adoption with God that I've experienced that is life-changing and I want to invite people to consider that as well.
On the drive home I realized something: this is the first time I've met a dude whose wife is dragging their heels about adoption. In my experience, it's always been the other way around.
So just a warning: my next post will probably be a rant about guys & adoption.... Because guys are idiots about adoption sometimes. But not the dude in aisle 12.
I.B.
I met a stranger at S*feway last night. We almost immediately got talking about adoption even though I didn't have Dude with me. Honestly, I expect that the conversation might go that way when I'm a white guy walking around with my african son. But I don't expect it when I'm just a guy buying a few quick groceries at closing time - alone. That's when it's a little strange (but good).
Oddly enough, it's getting more common for me to meet strangers who are thinking about, in process or have adopted. And it seems to happen to me without my kids around. Like on an airplane or a beach. Yep. It's officially weird. I never meet strangers who get talking about surfing or basketball or house building. I never even run into strangers who share the same profession as me where we just happen to strike up a conversation about it. It just happens with adoption. I've had some interesting talks with random guys about the country Dude was born in... (maybe that's another post in the future). But those only happen when I wear clothes that have the country's name on it.
So I checked my forehead & my clothing last night. There's nothing written on it about adoption. So I'm gonna chalk up these weird encounters to God arranging conversations...
Anyway, it turns out that this guy is a dad with 4 kids & he was adopted as a child. He really wants to adopt, but his wife hasn't been interested or supportive of the idea. So I listened & got to encourage him a little in aisle 12. And he seemed to get excited. It was a cool moment. And it was encouraging to me in a number of ways - one of which was that we had just had friends over for Bible study and were talking about God searching people out & going to them where they were at. Maybe S*feway was a spot that God was searching someone out last night? Hopefully that's the first talk of many with this guy - because adopting kids is amazing & incredibly important, but there's also a vertical adoption with God that I've experienced that is life-changing and I want to invite people to consider that as well.
On the drive home I realized something: this is the first time I've met a dude whose wife is dragging their heels about adoption. In my experience, it's always been the other way around.
So just a warning: my next post will probably be a rant about guys & adoption.... Because guys are idiots about adoption sometimes. But not the dude in aisle 12.
I.B.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Good news
It's been a while since I had a moment like I did earlier today...
It's a mixture of 2 feelings summed up easiest like this:
A. elation & excitement
B. I just woke up and completely forgot about 1000 major assignments due today (and I haven't started any)
It's simple to connect where these are coming from:
A. We just received news that adoptions can continue in the country we had planned for (& have had our documentation submitted for the past 6 months)
B. Our house is soooo far behind where we need to be.
Because of the reality that this particular adoption program is based on what the child's needs are & THEIR best interests (we're not a number waiting in line for 'our turn'), we could get a child referral in 3 years or 3 months. Since we felt led to adopt an older child who may have some medical needs, it is possible that a referral could come sooner than later. The fact that a referral is even an option adds a whole new stress dynamic. It also adds a whole new element of anticipation & energy. It's REALLY good, but the not knowing (and only having 2-4 weeks from referral to travel) increases the pressure a little!
In other good news, I found out that I passed my framing inspection for the entire house (including basement). Now to fix a couple of small things & get into electrical, insulation & vapor barrier - after I finish siding! The soffit, fascia & eavestrough go on in just over a week. Hopefully the furnace & water heater go in this month too.
It's been quite a day so far!
I.B.
It's a mixture of 2 feelings summed up easiest like this:
A. elation & excitement
B. I just woke up and completely forgot about 1000 major assignments due today (and I haven't started any)
It's simple to connect where these are coming from:
A. We just received news that adoptions can continue in the country we had planned for (& have had our documentation submitted for the past 6 months)
B. Our house is soooo far behind where we need to be.
Because of the reality that this particular adoption program is based on what the child's needs are & THEIR best interests (we're not a number waiting in line for 'our turn'), we could get a child referral in 3 years or 3 months. Since we felt led to adopt an older child who may have some medical needs, it is possible that a referral could come sooner than later. The fact that a referral is even an option adds a whole new stress dynamic. It also adds a whole new element of anticipation & energy. It's REALLY good, but the not knowing (and only having 2-4 weeks from referral to travel) increases the pressure a little!
In other good news, I found out that I passed my framing inspection for the entire house (including basement). Now to fix a couple of small things & get into electrical, insulation & vapor barrier - after I finish siding! The soffit, fascia & eavestrough go on in just over a week. Hopefully the furnace & water heater go in this month too.
It's been quite a day so far!
I.B.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Great video of a baby home
Here's a link to a great video promo of a baby home that we & Run 143 support. There are some amazing staff there taking care of some pretty awesome kids!
Check it out here: iKhaya Likababa promo video
Or check it out on the Run 143 blogspot with some other info about the upcoming Orphan Sunday our church is hosting.
I.B.
Check it out here: iKhaya Likababa promo video
Or check it out on the Run 143 blogspot with some other info about the upcoming Orphan Sunday our church is hosting.
I.B.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
House battle scars
In the 'house battle' I am losing.
Most of the time when I get hurt over there, it's stuff that I can hide so that no one really worries too much. Like falling off/rolling down ladders, air nailing my finger, slamming my head into a cantilever, etc. You limp and move slow, or your back hurts, but most people just assume you're stiff. And most people will never notice a puncture in your finger.
Then I pulled a couple idiot moves within a few days of each other that were a little more noticeable...
Over a month ago I raked a 5 inch cut across my back on a screw. You know it's kinda bad when your shirt is stuck to it a couple hours later. It will probably make for a good reminder/story a year from now (just like my feet STILL hurting over a year later from the 1st Run 143 - attempting 6 marathons in 6 days after training for 6 weeks... seriously, who does that?) Starting to see why I used the name for the blog?
And then a couple days later I tore a chunk off of the back of my finger with a hammer. I put the skin on and put a band-aid on it for a few days. Just curious... Are wounds suppose to stink a week later after washing them multiple times??? The skin is a different color, but it seemed attached. That's good, right? Don't worry, it's not green. Not yet. It actually fell off after 10 days & smells a lot better!
Later!
I.B.
Most of the time when I get hurt over there, it's stuff that I can hide so that no one really worries too much. Like falling off/rolling down ladders, air nailing my finger, slamming my head into a cantilever, etc. You limp and move slow, or your back hurts, but most people just assume you're stiff. And most people will never notice a puncture in your finger.
Then I pulled a couple idiot moves within a few days of each other that were a little more noticeable...
Over a month ago I raked a 5 inch cut across my back on a screw. You know it's kinda bad when your shirt is stuck to it a couple hours later. It will probably make for a good reminder/story a year from now (just like my feet STILL hurting over a year later from the 1st Run 143 - attempting 6 marathons in 6 days after training for 6 weeks... seriously, who does that?) Starting to see why I used the name for the blog?
And then a couple days later I tore a chunk off of the back of my finger with a hammer. I put the skin on and put a band-aid on it for a few days. Just curious... Are wounds suppose to stink a week later after washing them multiple times??? The skin is a different color, but it seemed attached. That's good, right? Don't worry, it's not green. Not yet. It actually fell off after 10 days & smells a lot better!
Later!
I.B.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Change in plans...
The plan was for me to be taking time off this week (and next) to work on the house, but all of the sudden I've got at least 4 days of work stuff booked in. This is why I usually take holidays away from where I live! I enjoy my job, but the nice days of outdoor work are slipping away... And I've been really anxious about the house progress.
In other news, I had a good talk with my wife about our house-building goals and budget. Because the key help can't assist us like we were trusting, we'll be hiring a few more things out because this is taking a LONG time. It's been tough to keep seeing progress on the house with so much unexpected work things coming up over the last 6 months.... This has been a very unusual (but good) season of work for me. But at least we're on the same page as a couple and regaining some confidence that we will see the end of this project eventually! And we are very fortunate to be in the position we are in to have payed for the rest of Dude's adoption expenses by selling our last house.
Adoption news: found out on Friday that whenever we get a referral & need to travel, that it will be at least 6 weeks away this time instead of at least 4 (like last time). I'd be really excited for 6 weeks if we didn't have 4 children at home already. I'd love to be able to afford to take all of the kids with us! We've pretty much decided that Super Lu will come home earlier to be with the rest of the kids & I'll spend the remaining time with our son/daughter over in Africa. Which will be cool, but strange to only live with 1 kid instead of 4. Good for attaching & bonding though I hope! I can't imagine what 6 weeks (+ travel and who knows what other delays....) will be like to be away from the kids. And even to be away from my wife. In the last decade, the longest we've been a part at one time is 12 days. The 3 older kids have done 4.5 weeks when we traveled to bring Dude home - which was quite long for them when they are so young.
I guess this is why the house has been getting a lot more stressful too. The plan was to get this house done before a referral so that we could 1. have a home to accommodate everyone & be settled in. 2. Be able to get a secure loan to pay for this next adoption (which will probably be very difficult to do with a construction mortgage still open). You can see why this might be stressful! We've got some time before a referral is even possible... but on the other hand, we have set our dossier up toward adopting an older child (or sibling group) that might have medical needs - so a referral may come quicker since there is a need for families who want to adopt these kids & we are in a child-centered program (needs of the child are prioritized in finding a family).
So we're trusting God to figure out the timeline, details, & funds since we felt quite strongly that He was leading us this way in the first place.
Have a great week - I'll get some house pictures up soon!
I.B.
In other news, I had a good talk with my wife about our house-building goals and budget. Because the key help can't assist us like we were trusting, we'll be hiring a few more things out because this is taking a LONG time. It's been tough to keep seeing progress on the house with so much unexpected work things coming up over the last 6 months.... This has been a very unusual (but good) season of work for me. But at least we're on the same page as a couple and regaining some confidence that we will see the end of this project eventually! And we are very fortunate to be in the position we are in to have payed for the rest of Dude's adoption expenses by selling our last house.
Adoption news: found out on Friday that whenever we get a referral & need to travel, that it will be at least 6 weeks away this time instead of at least 4 (like last time). I'd be really excited for 6 weeks if we didn't have 4 children at home already. I'd love to be able to afford to take all of the kids with us! We've pretty much decided that Super Lu will come home earlier to be with the rest of the kids & I'll spend the remaining time with our son/daughter over in Africa. Which will be cool, but strange to only live with 1 kid instead of 4. Good for attaching & bonding though I hope! I can't imagine what 6 weeks (+ travel and who knows what other delays....) will be like to be away from the kids. And even to be away from my wife. In the last decade, the longest we've been a part at one time is 12 days. The 3 older kids have done 4.5 weeks when we traveled to bring Dude home - which was quite long for them when they are so young.
I guess this is why the house has been getting a lot more stressful too. The plan was to get this house done before a referral so that we could 1. have a home to accommodate everyone & be settled in. 2. Be able to get a secure loan to pay for this next adoption (which will probably be very difficult to do with a construction mortgage still open). You can see why this might be stressful! We've got some time before a referral is even possible... but on the other hand, we have set our dossier up toward adopting an older child (or sibling group) that might have medical needs - so a referral may come quicker since there is a need for families who want to adopt these kids & we are in a child-centered program (needs of the child are prioritized in finding a family).
So we're trusting God to figure out the timeline, details, & funds since we felt quite strongly that He was leading us this way in the first place.
Have a great week - I'll get some house pictures up soon!
I.B.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Experiences from a leadership class
I'm away teaching a Biblical Leadership class for the week. It's a great opportunity & an area of passion for me!
Last year as a result of this class, a couple students were inspired to do something practical for orphan care. After a couple of meetings together with them, they organized "Run For Justice" and promoted it on their spring tour. They raised over $4000 that went directly to a baby home (that had just been started in the previous months) in Durban, South Africa. Pretty cool! And amazing what a few 'poor students' can do!
Today I got to visit with a woman/student here who was adopted from Pakistan. It was encouraging to hear her views and how great of a thing it has been in her life despite the original loss. Her family took her on a trip back to Pakistan when she was in grade 8 and she said it was the most difficult thing she has done in her life - but extremely good. It seemed like it was important for her to see where she was born and experience the people, culture, & land, but it also seemed to cement her place of belonging with her family too. She loves the people & the country even more because of the visit, but clearly saw her place of belonging as being with her family in Canada.
Just to ramble for a bit....
It was good to hear, because as a parent I sometimes wonder/worry about what my son (and future kid/s) will feel & think about during his teenage years. And I already feel inadequate about the kinds of questions I may never be able to answer for him - about his earliest life, why he had to experience suffering & loss so little, etc. That said, I fully intend on helping him cement his identity & belonging as securely as possible all throughout life - because all of us have questions we will never be able to fully answer. Maybe it's just better to be honest about what we know and then not label things as 'adoption related' in our minds. Maybe it's just life as a part of a family? I'm sure someone will think I'm insensitive for thinking this way... But maybe it's helpful to relate to each other in our most basic human ways instead of finding ways to marginalize & segregate ourselves or others. Sensitive to differences, but all still human. Every teenager struggles with identity & belonging. Maybe it's just that adopted kids might have a different set of questions or feelings. I'm already trying to teach my kids that their acceptance in our family is not based on their performance or whether we parents approve of all their decisions throughout their life. We love them & will be there for them no matter what - whether they are smart or athletic or musical or none of the above. They are a part of this family whether they choose to contribute to society or sit on a couch the rest of their life. I obviously want a lot more for them than a couch!!! But their place in our family is assured & unchanging.
This is all hypothetical for me (of course) since we've got a number of years before we hit the teenager stage! We've also got a book or 2 coming in the mail that might change my view about the teen years for adopted kids!
later,
I.B.
Last year as a result of this class, a couple students were inspired to do something practical for orphan care. After a couple of meetings together with them, they organized "Run For Justice" and promoted it on their spring tour. They raised over $4000 that went directly to a baby home (that had just been started in the previous months) in Durban, South Africa. Pretty cool! And amazing what a few 'poor students' can do!
Today I got to visit with a woman/student here who was adopted from Pakistan. It was encouraging to hear her views and how great of a thing it has been in her life despite the original loss. Her family took her on a trip back to Pakistan when she was in grade 8 and she said it was the most difficult thing she has done in her life - but extremely good. It seemed like it was important for her to see where she was born and experience the people, culture, & land, but it also seemed to cement her place of belonging with her family too. She loves the people & the country even more because of the visit, but clearly saw her place of belonging as being with her family in Canada.
Just to ramble for a bit....
It was good to hear, because as a parent I sometimes wonder/worry about what my son (and future kid/s) will feel & think about during his teenage years. And I already feel inadequate about the kinds of questions I may never be able to answer for him - about his earliest life, why he had to experience suffering & loss so little, etc. That said, I fully intend on helping him cement his identity & belonging as securely as possible all throughout life - because all of us have questions we will never be able to fully answer. Maybe it's just better to be honest about what we know and then not label things as 'adoption related' in our minds. Maybe it's just life as a part of a family? I'm sure someone will think I'm insensitive for thinking this way... But maybe it's helpful to relate to each other in our most basic human ways instead of finding ways to marginalize & segregate ourselves or others. Sensitive to differences, but all still human. Every teenager struggles with identity & belonging. Maybe it's just that adopted kids might have a different set of questions or feelings. I'm already trying to teach my kids that their acceptance in our family is not based on their performance or whether we parents approve of all their decisions throughout their life. We love them & will be there for them no matter what - whether they are smart or athletic or musical or none of the above. They are a part of this family whether they choose to contribute to society or sit on a couch the rest of their life. I obviously want a lot more for them than a couch!!! But their place in our family is assured & unchanging.
This is all hypothetical for me (of course) since we've got a number of years before we hit the teenager stage! We've also got a book or 2 coming in the mail that might change my view about the teen years for adopted kids!
later,
I.B.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Praying for 2 kids to find families
I've been praying for a couple of little guys & thought I'd share them with you - they've managed to grab my & Super Lu's heart over the last 5-6 months as they wait to be adopted. We are praying that they will find a family soon & that they will excel where they are currently receiving care. Their names are Kenny & Calvin (not related at all). And I do have permission to share this!!
Here's Kenny!
And Calvin!
Here's Kenny!
And Calvin!
Don't they look like awesome boys!?!
Too bad we have to be age 35 or older to adopt them. Part of the difficulty in finding them some willing parents is that they are both HIV+ and there is still a lot of stigma, stereotypes & fear out there around this disease - which is now considered a chronic but manageable condition (huge potential for a full & healthy life). So if you know of anyone who might be interested, you can learn a little bit more about them at Reece's Rainbow on THIS page. Or if you want to give a few dollars toward their adoption (or sign up to pray for a child with special needs), check out the website!
Or if you want to know more about the growing movement of families adopting children with HIV, check out Project Hopeful.
I.B.
Follow up to adoption reflection post
Whenever I talk with guys who are struggling with wanting or ready to be a dad, I remember some of the conversations I had with one of my mentors between 2002-04. Lloyd has got 40+ years on me, so his wisdom & perspective are always welcome!
A few years into marriage, I really wasn't sure I wanted to have kids. When we were first married I thought I'd like 6-10. Maybe it was just a joke so that I could buy a 15 passenger van and make it into a 'dually'. You know, with 2 back tires on either axle? And maybe dvd players & a fridge. Very soon after though, I didn't want ANY kids. It was a dark thought, but I seriously wondered why I would want to bring more souls into this world to experience pain and that would run the risk of being separated from God. And even more than that, selfishly I honestly didn't think I had enough capacity for love in me. I thought that loving my wife was maxing out my ability (she's awesome - I just didn't think I had much in me!). Beyond that, I should never be asked to help out with a nursery or children's programs or elementary school.
In the space of a few weeks, it seemed like God was addressing my fears thru Lloyd and another father (Norm - who told me he wished he never let money or plans get in the way of having more kids - even though he had 4 already), and the book of Malachi. So my heart was changed somewhat dramatically in the space of under a month. After we had Sparkles, I discovered that I could love another (and not at the expense of loving my wife like I had feared). But I still thought that was the maximum. How could I possibly love yet another? Then we had Mario. And I had no more excuses!
So now Lloyd laughs & smiles with me whenever we talk about my kids (and every time that I share with him that we are expanding our family further - which seems like every year....).
I honestly thought I was done having kids after Spark Plug came along. At that time, 3 seemed like a good place to stop. For us, the transition from 2 to 3 kids was the most difficult. But I committed to my wife that I would keep praying about it and try to be open to the option and she committed to not bringing it up TOO much. It would inevitably come up and we'd talk about it, only to find that we were still in very different places.
We do something every time a child enters our family - we put a moratorium on talking about having more kids for a certain period of time. It's usually only 6-7 months - time enough to get into a routine, find some sleep, recover from hormones, etc. That meant that after Spark Plug, Super Lu was waiting for over 18 months past that point. If you know me & Super Lu, then you know that's an insane amount of time for us to wait & make a decision. Then God changed my heart in a day. Literally. And I don't say that lightly.
All the while that we were praying about whether to have another child, I had been praying about something else as well because of a question I asked based on studying Nehemiah 1-2 in the OT. It was simply 'what do I have to leverage for something after God's heart?' Literally a year & a half question that I had been struggling with. Because I thought I had already been doing that! So there's some pre-amble....
And here's 'the one day' in simplest terms: My wife & I were at a leadership conference together and heard someone share briefly about their adoption experience. We both looked at each other (we still remember where we were sitting) and instantly knew that adoption was how we were suppose to expand our family next. All of the sudden I went from being against having more kids, to instantly being willing to dive into the adoption process (and sometimes get my paperwork for it finished faster than Super Lu). And instantly I knew at least one answer to 'the leverage' question: we had a stable, loving family that loved God that was more than willing to accept another family member - no matter where they were from. And we had a little bit of influence & some ability to try new things to raise awareness about the orphan crisis in our world. That's what we had to leverage.
We had talked at various times in our marriage about fostering or maybe adopting and had sponsored kids over the years, but everything changed that day.
One day.
I guess all God needs is a single moment. That's either really encouraging or really scary.
FYI - our 'moratorium' for considering child #5 lasted all of 2 weeks after meeting Dude. So much for 6-7 months at minimum! And so much for wondering whether I could love someone else in my family beyond my wife!
The leverage question came up again shortly after we met Dude and led us to leverage & be open to more. But that's another post sometime...
I.B.
A few years into marriage, I really wasn't sure I wanted to have kids. When we were first married I thought I'd like 6-10. Maybe it was just a joke so that I could buy a 15 passenger van and make it into a 'dually'. You know, with 2 back tires on either axle? And maybe dvd players & a fridge. Very soon after though, I didn't want ANY kids. It was a dark thought, but I seriously wondered why I would want to bring more souls into this world to experience pain and that would run the risk of being separated from God. And even more than that, selfishly I honestly didn't think I had enough capacity for love in me. I thought that loving my wife was maxing out my ability (she's awesome - I just didn't think I had much in me!). Beyond that, I should never be asked to help out with a nursery or children's programs or elementary school.
In the space of a few weeks, it seemed like God was addressing my fears thru Lloyd and another father (Norm - who told me he wished he never let money or plans get in the way of having more kids - even though he had 4 already), and the book of Malachi. So my heart was changed somewhat dramatically in the space of under a month. After we had Sparkles, I discovered that I could love another (and not at the expense of loving my wife like I had feared). But I still thought that was the maximum. How could I possibly love yet another? Then we had Mario. And I had no more excuses!
So now Lloyd laughs & smiles with me whenever we talk about my kids (and every time that I share with him that we are expanding our family further - which seems like every year....).
I honestly thought I was done having kids after Spark Plug came along. At that time, 3 seemed like a good place to stop. For us, the transition from 2 to 3 kids was the most difficult. But I committed to my wife that I would keep praying about it and try to be open to the option and she committed to not bringing it up TOO much. It would inevitably come up and we'd talk about it, only to find that we were still in very different places.
We do something every time a child enters our family - we put a moratorium on talking about having more kids for a certain period of time. It's usually only 6-7 months - time enough to get into a routine, find some sleep, recover from hormones, etc. That meant that after Spark Plug, Super Lu was waiting for over 18 months past that point. If you know me & Super Lu, then you know that's an insane amount of time for us to wait & make a decision. Then God changed my heart in a day. Literally. And I don't say that lightly.
All the while that we were praying about whether to have another child, I had been praying about something else as well because of a question I asked based on studying Nehemiah 1-2 in the OT. It was simply 'what do I have to leverage for something after God's heart?' Literally a year & a half question that I had been struggling with. Because I thought I had already been doing that! So there's some pre-amble....
And here's 'the one day' in simplest terms: My wife & I were at a leadership conference together and heard someone share briefly about their adoption experience. We both looked at each other (we still remember where we were sitting) and instantly knew that adoption was how we were suppose to expand our family next. All of the sudden I went from being against having more kids, to instantly being willing to dive into the adoption process (and sometimes get my paperwork for it finished faster than Super Lu). And instantly I knew at least one answer to 'the leverage' question: we had a stable, loving family that loved God that was more than willing to accept another family member - no matter where they were from. And we had a little bit of influence & some ability to try new things to raise awareness about the orphan crisis in our world. That's what we had to leverage.
We had talked at various times in our marriage about fostering or maybe adopting and had sponsored kids over the years, but everything changed that day.
One day.
I guess all God needs is a single moment. That's either really encouraging or really scary.
FYI - our 'moratorium' for considering child #5 lasted all of 2 weeks after meeting Dude. So much for 6-7 months at minimum! And so much for wondering whether I could love someone else in my family beyond my wife!
The leverage question came up again shortly after we met Dude and led us to leverage & be open to more. But that's another post sometime...
I.B.
Adoption reflection
I'm a slow learner. And not always in tune with the 'emotional' side of life....
Lately I've been learning/reminded about something important about adoption and the work I've been called into. It's all born out of brokenness. You probably already know this. I don't think about it too often because I tend to focus on opportunities more than the source of them.
Adoption is a tremendous opportunity for both family & child to experience greater love, joy, etc. But the reality is that adoption is born out of brokenness and tragedy. As wonderful as it is to play with my youngest son, wrestle with him (which he loved from the first night we were together), and watch him try to explore relationships & the world, I can only experience this amazing gift because of a tragedy that has happened. It's in every single adoptive situation. Bio parents are either dead, dying, unable or unwilling to care for a little one, have had cultural implications that mean their death or being disowned if they do not give up their child, experience of poverty, starvation, war, disease... and the list goes on. None of these are 'opportunities'. None of these things are what God originally intended for us. These are realities because we live in a broken and stained world.
So what motivates a person to enter into the adoption world?
For some, it's because of their own experience of tragedy or brokenness. Their bodies don't work the way they were designed to and are unable to conceive children. Or else they have conceived and lost them because of tragic circumstances. Honestly, for a few out there, it's because of vanity - they don't want their body to stretch or have to go thru the pain or _______. It's still brokenness - either in their identity (via finding their worth in how their body looks) or in simply coming face to face with the fact that something as awesome as childbirth is painful. Pain when having kids was not in the original plan. It all flows from brokenness.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: orphan care & adoption are not about being motivated by pity. Pity throws $20 at a problem. Mercy & love mean an investing of ourself. And thankfully, there are processes in place that protect children from parents that are only adopting out of pity. You cannot wade thru 15 pages of application, home study visits, and another 30+ document to fill out (along with all of the notarized documents & record checks & appointments), be judged on your parenting capabilities and still be relying solely on pity as a motivator. At that point it's far easier to have pity and give a monthly donation to a worthy cause. Adoption is an investment of our time, resources, emotions, hopes, dreams and dozens of other things (some intangible). Who can really measure the effects it has on your plans for the next few years or the affects it has on your health as you worry & wait & wonder?
Adoption is an option because evil taints everything & everyone.
Orphan care needs to happen because we live in a screwed up world.
BUT....
It is an opportunity. An opportunity for an undying hope to be shared, an example of love to be experienced, and a declaration that God is about redeeming our situation. That despite the terrible, there is tremendous news today & in our future. It's a beautiful opportunity to embrace a child as their father or mother and provide for them. It's a joy to expand your family in new & diverse & wonderful ways.
I'm not entirely sure where these guys (below) land on beliefs and obviously it's not talking about adoption or orphan care, but it's been a good song for me to listen to on occasion lately - and remember why we do what we do (and an allusion to where it comes from).
"I'm standing for everything we have.... This is why we do it. This is worth the pain. This is why we fall down & get back up again. This is where the heart lies. This is from above. Love is this. This is love."
Later,
I.B.
Lately I've been learning/reminded about something important about adoption and the work I've been called into. It's all born out of brokenness. You probably already know this. I don't think about it too often because I tend to focus on opportunities more than the source of them.
Adoption is a tremendous opportunity for both family & child to experience greater love, joy, etc. But the reality is that adoption is born out of brokenness and tragedy. As wonderful as it is to play with my youngest son, wrestle with him (which he loved from the first night we were together), and watch him try to explore relationships & the world, I can only experience this amazing gift because of a tragedy that has happened. It's in every single adoptive situation. Bio parents are either dead, dying, unable or unwilling to care for a little one, have had cultural implications that mean their death or being disowned if they do not give up their child, experience of poverty, starvation, war, disease... and the list goes on. None of these are 'opportunities'. None of these things are what God originally intended for us. These are realities because we live in a broken and stained world.
So what motivates a person to enter into the adoption world?
For some, it's because of their own experience of tragedy or brokenness. Their bodies don't work the way they were designed to and are unable to conceive children. Or else they have conceived and lost them because of tragic circumstances. Honestly, for a few out there, it's because of vanity - they don't want their body to stretch or have to go thru the pain or _______. It's still brokenness - either in their identity (via finding their worth in how their body looks) or in simply coming face to face with the fact that something as awesome as childbirth is painful. Pain when having kids was not in the original plan. It all flows from brokenness.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: orphan care & adoption are not about being motivated by pity. Pity throws $20 at a problem. Mercy & love mean an investing of ourself. And thankfully, there are processes in place that protect children from parents that are only adopting out of pity. You cannot wade thru 15 pages of application, home study visits, and another 30+ document to fill out (along with all of the notarized documents & record checks & appointments), be judged on your parenting capabilities and still be relying solely on pity as a motivator. At that point it's far easier to have pity and give a monthly donation to a worthy cause. Adoption is an investment of our time, resources, emotions, hopes, dreams and dozens of other things (some intangible). Who can really measure the effects it has on your plans for the next few years or the affects it has on your health as you worry & wait & wonder?
Adoption is an option because evil taints everything & everyone.
Orphan care needs to happen because we live in a screwed up world.
BUT....
It is an opportunity. An opportunity for an undying hope to be shared, an example of love to be experienced, and a declaration that God is about redeeming our situation. That despite the terrible, there is tremendous news today & in our future. It's a beautiful opportunity to embrace a child as their father or mother and provide for them. It's a joy to expand your family in new & diverse & wonderful ways.
I'm not entirely sure where these guys (below) land on beliefs and obviously it's not talking about adoption or orphan care, but it's been a good song for me to listen to on occasion lately - and remember why we do what we do (and an allusion to where it comes from).
"I'm standing for everything we have.... This is why we do it. This is worth the pain. This is why we fall down & get back up again. This is where the heart lies. This is from above. Love is this. This is love."
Later,
I.B.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
5 years ago - changes
Just for fun, here's a little snapshot of what 5 years ago looked like for 2 of our kids!
And currently!
Sometimes I still parent them like they haven't aged over the last 5 years.... I working on it. One jump I am not ready to make is into the cell phone world. There are at least 5 (out of 20) kids in Sparkles grade who have cell phones. Seriously?!?!
It's not just parenting that I get stuck in the past with - it's also in how I lead, how I act as a man, a husband, etc. For instance: I really never play video games (unless I race with Mario), but I find myself thinking from time to time that I should own an XBOX 360 or something. Super Lu bought be a game for the kids' Wii a year ago & I still haven't tried it yet.... Even though it's one more 'appropriate' to my age that I really wanted to play. Why would I need a video game system that I would never play other than to relive my teen/college years?
I wonder how much we miss out on when we get stuck or paused in our perceptions for 5+ years? And then I wonder what it will take to jump me back into the reality of today? Hopefully nothing too drastic....
Speaking of getting stuck in moments.... Here's a band I don't think I'll ever grow out of!
I.B.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Tough to get motivated!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
A great break from framing
My wife is a great cook! I can't wait for her to try making koeksisters sometime soon too (hint, hint)!
Monday, September 5, 2011
Time out with Mario!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Basement!
Our basement was poured yesterday. I was over today chalking lines for where everything goes and cutting out all the top & bottom plates and marking them out for studs, doors, closets, etc. I've also got at least 100 studs trimmed to the right height as well. Framing sure goes a lot quicker when I've got a clue & have done it before!!
For the record, Dude wanted to sit on the floor instead of a chair! The area in the picture is our future family room.
Later!
I.B.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Siding
Basement floor gets poured first thing Wednesday morning & then I've got Thursday, Saturday & Monday off to start framing the basement!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Some great help!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Happy Anniversary To An Amazing Wife!
To my incredibly beautiful bride,
You are truly a gift from God & my best friend. Thanks for helping me to accomplish more than I ever dreamed I was capable of.
These 13 years of marriage have been filled with fun & adventure - I can't wait to see what this year holds!
Yours ,
I.B.
Summer...
Summer has been quite busy - even without house building. A lot busier than usual.... Who knew that the nicest time of year would end up being the most difficult to get over to build a house? Having a young family of 4 kids and an unusually busy summer with my job will do that!
I certainly don't regret the few days of camping we had as a family - AWESOME. Or the few days I got away with my wife - AWESOME. We really had no idea how bad we needed those until we were away. And it was great to spend some time playing & relaxing with the kids and then some time away intentionally working on our marriage & having some fun without the kids. After 13 years of marriage (anniversary today!), we're still learning about communication, personalities, how we approach finances, etc. I think we've got our goals for the next couple years set and are dreaming/praying about 5-10 years. Feels really good to know that we are working toward things deliberately (along with all of the surprises that come along) and to be able to see progress even in the overwhelming times.
I think we are slowing admitting (out loud) that we won't be able to move into our new home by Christmas. It sucks. It would be really amazing to get in by Dec 24th - but looking like a long shot. I've got 3+ weeks of holidays to take this fall to work on the house, but still....
Basement floor should get poured this week & then I can start framing up the basement. Along with that, I have started siding while it's still nice out and working on all of the things I need to add/fix to pass my framing inspection. The most frustrating one is finished (and the one I thought would take the longest) thanks to Big Red. It was his first visit, but was it ever timely! I was really frustrated & dreading working on it, so to have him offer to help & show up when he did was quite a blessing. Tomorrow FIL is coming for the day to help & then Putz is coming Friday night to help with siding. It's been a lonely 2-3 months on the build, so it's nice to have a little help!
I'll get a picture up in the next few days!
I.B.
I certainly don't regret the few days of camping we had as a family - AWESOME. Or the few days I got away with my wife - AWESOME. We really had no idea how bad we needed those until we were away. And it was great to spend some time playing & relaxing with the kids and then some time away intentionally working on our marriage & having some fun without the kids. After 13 years of marriage (anniversary today!), we're still learning about communication, personalities, how we approach finances, etc. I think we've got our goals for the next couple years set and are dreaming/praying about 5-10 years. Feels really good to know that we are working toward things deliberately (along with all of the surprises that come along) and to be able to see progress even in the overwhelming times.
I think we are slowing admitting (out loud) that we won't be able to move into our new home by Christmas. It sucks. It would be really amazing to get in by Dec 24th - but looking like a long shot. I've got 3+ weeks of holidays to take this fall to work on the house, but still....
Basement floor should get poured this week & then I can start framing up the basement. Along with that, I have started siding while it's still nice out and working on all of the things I need to add/fix to pass my framing inspection. The most frustrating one is finished (and the one I thought would take the longest) thanks to Big Red. It was his first visit, but was it ever timely! I was really frustrated & dreading working on it, so to have him offer to help & show up when he did was quite a blessing. Tomorrow FIL is coming for the day to help & then Putz is coming Friday night to help with siding. It's been a lonely 2-3 months on the build, so it's nice to have a little help!
I'll get a picture up in the next few days!
I.B.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
23 reasons...
On the building front - I now have 23 reasons to either be discouraged or thankful for learning.... That's the list the inspector left for me. Many of those 23 had a few things to do - not just quick touches. At least he wrote it down as 'not ready for inspection' rather than a 'fail'. The red fail card would not have been the cherry on top, it probably would have been the last straw today!
So now I get to start fixing things I did before our basement was even dug. Apparently my headers are all wrong for doors & windows. (insert shaking of head here). I think I've got a way to fix them without taking out all the windows & doors - and the inspector thought it was okay too!
Later!
I.B.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Run 143 updates
If you are interested in following the progress of Run 143 day by day, go to:
http://www.run143.blogspot.com/
I.B.
http://www.run143.blogspot.com/
I.B.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Run 143 - July 14-16th, 2011
The run that we are organizing to raise awareness for the global orphan crisis and funds for adoption is just over a week away! Along with being an organizer (& general errand flunkie), I'm a part of a team that will be completing 143 km in 3 days. We're going to have a lot of fun - we have no team name, so it might simply be 'Team Good Time' at this point. None of us are regular runners, so I'm sure we will be very sore... and making lots of jokes! Feel free to stop by on the highway & bug us for a bit - I'm sure we'll need any excuse we can get to take a breather!
Check it out!
www.run143.com
If you are interested, you can make donations on the website - it all goes to orphan care! All the funds are going to:
1 recent baby home start in SA
1 expanding baby home in SA
1 family adopting from SA
& our local Adoption Support Centre
- more information is on the website about these
Donations of $20 & higher will receive a charitable tax receipt - so if you feel like sponsoring me for a few km's or donating a lump sum, that would be awesome! And if you just want to spread the word, post the run's website on your facebook, blog, twitter, etc. THANKS!
I.B.
Check it out!
www.run143.com
If you are interested, you can make donations on the website - it all goes to orphan care! All the funds are going to:
1 recent baby home start in SA
1 expanding baby home in SA
1 family adopting from SA
& our local Adoption Support Centre
- more information is on the website about these
Donations of $20 & higher will receive a charitable tax receipt - so if you feel like sponsoring me for a few km's or donating a lump sum, that would be awesome! And if you just want to spread the word, post the run's website on your facebook, blog, twitter, etc. THANKS!
I.B.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Transracial family
Here's a brief perspective of what life was like for an interracial family in apartheid's shadow.
Reading it reminded me about some of the weird looks and confrontations I had with a few people when we spent over a month picking up our son (we were there over 20 years after the memories recorded in the article). Just to be clear - our experiences were absolutely nothing compared to what people have had to deal with because of apartheid. These are simply memories - not comparisons!
All of the families we've ever talked to have had great experiences walking around as an transracial family there. Ours was different at times - the way we were approached and the tone that was used, I honestly thought I was going to have to fight a few different guys. I had not felt like that in a long time & after each experience (only about 1 a week) my wife was greatly relieved (as was I)! In one instance, the guy looked so upset and was almost jogging at us in a virtually empty food court - so I stood up from my chair and found myself getting into a braced stance. It's hard to talk a stranger 'down' when your adrenaline is pumping & you are in unfamiliar surroundings. A couple of guys visibly cooled down when they found out we were not local & were in fact Canadian (not sure why it should matter though).
Apparently I'm the only guy traveling to adopt who has a face that says 'smash me in'! When we walked with other families that were there adopting, people would come out of their way to help or laugh or visit or be excited for them & their new family. (as an aside - it was a tremendous blessing to be able to be in country with some other Canadians who were fun to hang out with & process everything with!)
Then there were just moments of oddity. We grew so accustomed to the stares & the watching eyes that when I would walk out of a public washroom in the mall, no one would really look at me & I'd feel (thankfully) invisible again... only to realize that our son was with my wife so that's why people weren't staring! We honestly loved interacting with the people in the country, it's just that transracial families/adoption is still a very foreign concept based on their horrific past. Once we began talking, people were usually very warm & receptive to us.
Situations are odd here in Canada sometimes too!
Here's a picture from a year ago with a story:
I asked my wife to take this picture. It's the exact picture that around 50+ strangers took. Apparently in the Canadian Rockies, our family is now a tourist trap. Someone got off the bus, looked around, and then in excitement started pointing at us & yelled something in a language I didn't understand. The bus unloaded and people started smiling, pointing & taking pictures. Sitting there, I slowly turned around to make sure that there was no bear behind us. Nope! And I'm pretty sure they have ice cream in their country.... So the only logical conclusion I could guess at based on how they were acting was that ______________. Not invisible. Either that or 'why does their stroller wear a backpack?'. Or 'Is that REALLY bubble gum ice cream?!?!' (feel free to make up your own captions - I'd enjoy that!)
The other affect that being an transracial family has had is that people always notice & fuss over Dude first. Which is great - kids need lots of affection. My wife & I are just very intentional to give physical affection (even a hand on a shoulder) and/or whisper things to our other 3 kids while it happens too (about how great or cute they are as well). We're trying to steer away from unhealthy competition and jealousy. So far so good - they fuss over each as well! And Dude is now at an age where he sometimes points at his brother & sister and jabbers about them to people when they are fussing over him. It's really pretty cool to watch.
Reading it reminded me about some of the weird looks and confrontations I had with a few people when we spent over a month picking up our son (we were there over 20 years after the memories recorded in the article). Just to be clear - our experiences were absolutely nothing compared to what people have had to deal with because of apartheid. These are simply memories - not comparisons!
All of the families we've ever talked to have had great experiences walking around as an transracial family there. Ours was different at times - the way we were approached and the tone that was used, I honestly thought I was going to have to fight a few different guys. I had not felt like that in a long time & after each experience (only about 1 a week) my wife was greatly relieved (as was I)! In one instance, the guy looked so upset and was almost jogging at us in a virtually empty food court - so I stood up from my chair and found myself getting into a braced stance. It's hard to talk a stranger 'down' when your adrenaline is pumping & you are in unfamiliar surroundings. A couple of guys visibly cooled down when they found out we were not local & were in fact Canadian (not sure why it should matter though).
Apparently I'm the only guy traveling to adopt who has a face that says 'smash me in'! When we walked with other families that were there adopting, people would come out of their way to help or laugh or visit or be excited for them & their new family. (as an aside - it was a tremendous blessing to be able to be in country with some other Canadians who were fun to hang out with & process everything with!)
Then there were just moments of oddity. We grew so accustomed to the stares & the watching eyes that when I would walk out of a public washroom in the mall, no one would really look at me & I'd feel (thankfully) invisible again... only to realize that our son was with my wife so that's why people weren't staring! We honestly loved interacting with the people in the country, it's just that transracial families/adoption is still a very foreign concept based on their horrific past. Once we began talking, people were usually very warm & receptive to us.
Situations are odd here in Canada sometimes too!
Here's a picture from a year ago with a story:
I asked my wife to take this picture. It's the exact picture that around 50+ strangers took. Apparently in the Canadian Rockies, our family is now a tourist trap. Someone got off the bus, looked around, and then in excitement started pointing at us & yelled something in a language I didn't understand. The bus unloaded and people started smiling, pointing & taking pictures. Sitting there, I slowly turned around to make sure that there was no bear behind us. Nope! And I'm pretty sure they have ice cream in their country.... So the only logical conclusion I could guess at based on how they were acting was that ______________. Not invisible. Either that or 'why does their stroller wear a backpack?'. Or 'Is that REALLY bubble gum ice cream?!?!' (feel free to make up your own captions - I'd enjoy that!)
The other affect that being an transracial family has had is that people always notice & fuss over Dude first. Which is great - kids need lots of affection. My wife & I are just very intentional to give physical affection (even a hand on a shoulder) and/or whisper things to our other 3 kids while it happens too (about how great or cute they are as well). We're trying to steer away from unhealthy competition and jealousy. So far so good - they fuss over each as well! And Dude is now at an age where he sometimes points at his brother & sister and jabbers about them to people when they are fussing over him. It's really pretty cool to watch.
It's impossible to be invisible now that we are an transracial family - and it honestly doesn't bother us. It's a great entry point into a story we love to share. It's our life, it's a story about one of our great kids & a story of God's grace toward us all.
Have a great weekend,
I.B.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)