Reading it reminded me about some of the weird looks and confrontations I had with a few people when we spent over a month picking up our son (we were there over 20 years after the memories recorded in the article). Just to be clear - our experiences were absolutely nothing compared to what people have had to deal with because of apartheid. These are simply memories - not comparisons!
All of the families we've ever talked to have had great experiences walking around as an transracial family there. Ours was different at times - the way we were approached and the tone that was used, I honestly thought I was going to have to fight a few different guys. I had not felt like that in a long time & after each experience (only about 1 a week) my wife was greatly relieved (as was I)! In one instance, the guy looked so upset and was almost jogging at us in a virtually empty food court - so I stood up from my chair and found myself getting into a braced stance. It's hard to talk a stranger 'down' when your adrenaline is pumping & you are in unfamiliar surroundings. A couple of guys visibly cooled down when they found out we were not local & were in fact Canadian (not sure why it should matter though).
Apparently I'm the only guy traveling to adopt who has a face that says 'smash me in'! When we walked with other families that were there adopting, people would come out of their way to help or laugh or visit or be excited for them & their new family. (as an aside - it was a tremendous blessing to be able to be in country with some other Canadians who were fun to hang out with & process everything with!)
Then there were just moments of oddity. We grew so accustomed to the stares & the watching eyes that when I would walk out of a public washroom in the mall, no one would really look at me & I'd feel (thankfully) invisible again... only to realize that our son was with my wife so that's why people weren't staring! We honestly loved interacting with the people in the country, it's just that transracial families/adoption is still a very foreign concept based on their horrific past. Once we began talking, people were usually very warm & receptive to us.
Situations are odd here in Canada sometimes too!
Here's a picture from a year ago with a story:
I asked my wife to take this picture. It's the exact picture that around 50+ strangers took. Apparently in the Canadian Rockies, our family is now a tourist trap. Someone got off the bus, looked around, and then in excitement started pointing at us & yelled something in a language I didn't understand. The bus unloaded and people started smiling, pointing & taking pictures. Sitting there, I slowly turned around to make sure that there was no bear behind us. Nope! And I'm pretty sure they have ice cream in their country.... So the only logical conclusion I could guess at based on how they were acting was that ______________. Not invisible. Either that or 'why does their stroller wear a backpack?'. Or 'Is that REALLY bubble gum ice cream?!?!' (feel free to make up your own captions - I'd enjoy that!)
The other affect that being an transracial family has had is that people always notice & fuss over Dude first. Which is great - kids need lots of affection. My wife & I are just very intentional to give physical affection (even a hand on a shoulder) and/or whisper things to our other 3 kids while it happens too (about how great or cute they are as well). We're trying to steer away from unhealthy competition and jealousy. So far so good - they fuss over each as well! And Dude is now at an age where he sometimes points at his brother & sister and jabbers about them to people when they are fussing over him. It's really pretty cool to watch.
It's impossible to be invisible now that we are an transracial family - and it honestly doesn't bother us. It's a great entry point into a story we love to share. It's our life, it's a story about one of our great kids & a story of God's grace toward us all.
Have a great weekend,
I.B.
