I'm a slow learner. And not always in tune with the 'emotional' side of life....
Lately I've been learning/reminded about something important about adoption and the work I've been called into. It's all born out of brokenness. You probably already know this. I don't think about it too often because I tend to focus on opportunities more than the source of them.
Adoption is a tremendous opportunity for both family & child to experience greater love, joy, etc. But the reality is that adoption is born out of brokenness and tragedy. As wonderful as it is to play with my youngest son, wrestle with him (which he loved from the first night we were together), and watch him try to explore relationships & the world, I can only experience this amazing gift because of a tragedy that has happened. It's in every single adoptive situation. Bio parents are either dead, dying, unable or unwilling to care for a little one, have had cultural implications that mean their death or being disowned if they do not give up their child, experience of poverty, starvation, war, disease... and the list goes on. None of these are 'opportunities'. None of these things are what God originally intended for us. These are realities because we live in a broken and stained world.
So what motivates a person to enter into the adoption world?
For some, it's because of their own experience of tragedy or brokenness. Their bodies don't work the way they were designed to and are unable to conceive children. Or else they have conceived and lost them because of tragic circumstances. Honestly, for a few out there, it's because of vanity - they don't want their body to stretch or have to go thru the pain or _______. It's still brokenness - either in their identity (via finding their worth in how their body looks) or in simply coming face to face with the fact that something as awesome as childbirth is painful. Pain when having kids was not in the original plan. It all flows from brokenness.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: orphan care & adoption are not about being motivated by pity. Pity throws $20 at a problem. Mercy & love mean an investing of ourself. And thankfully, there are processes in place that protect children from parents that are only adopting out of pity. You cannot wade thru 15 pages of application, home study visits, and another 30+ document to fill out (along with all of the notarized documents & record checks & appointments), be judged on your parenting capabilities and still be relying solely on pity as a motivator. At that point it's far easier to have pity and give a monthly donation to a worthy cause. Adoption is an investment of our time, resources, emotions, hopes, dreams and dozens of other things (some intangible). Who can really measure the effects it has on your plans for the next few years or the affects it has on your health as you worry & wait & wonder?
Adoption is an option because evil taints everything & everyone.
Orphan care needs to happen because we live in a screwed up world.
BUT....
It is an opportunity. An opportunity for an undying hope to be shared, an example of love to be experienced, and a declaration that God is about redeeming our situation. That despite the terrible, there is tremendous news today & in our future. It's a beautiful opportunity to embrace a child as their father or mother and provide for them. It's a joy to expand your family in new & diverse & wonderful ways.
I'm not entirely sure where these guys (below) land on beliefs and obviously it's not talking about adoption or orphan care, but it's been a good song for me to listen to on occasion lately - and remember why we do what we do (and an allusion to where it comes from).
"I'm standing for everything we have.... This is why we do it. This is worth the pain. This is why we fall down & get back up again. This is where the heart lies. This is from above. Love is this. This is love."
Later,
I.B.
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