Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Everyday Candid Camera

If you want to experience candid camera, spend a day in public with a transracial family.

For me, being a part of a transracial family, is (mostly) amusing as our family goes to malls or grocery stores or swimming pools or ________.

Sometimes the looks/responses/reactions get a little redundant - but we'll never escape it.  Take for instance 2 days ago.  We went to pick up pumpkins in the afternoon for the kids (at what I think is one of the more multi-cultural grocery stores in the city).  I was walking with Sparkles about 15 steps behind the rest of the family and saw a couple start pointing & talking (different language - I couldn't understand) as Super Lu & the kids walked by.  Actually, it just started with a stare - then they started talking rapidly & jabbing the air with their finger.  I caught up & we stopped in the aisle for a bit.  2 minutes later these people were still talking and pointing.  Apparently it sparked some kind of discussion....  Their faces went from looks of confusion to frowning to quizzical.  I can only imagine what they were talking about.  I don't think it was about my new jacket, but I can't be sure!  The way they kept pointing, they must of thought that Dude's jacket really didn't match the rest of ours, because they kept coming back to him....

On the flip side, it gets amusing when we let our kids walk or play a few steps away from us (sometimes further depending if it's not a busy place).  When Dude gets more than a couple steps away from the rest of us, strangers start looking around for who they think should be Dude's parents - even though we're right there.  Our other kids can make it a least 3-4 times as far without any response from strangers.  A few months ago, one older woman got very quickly disgusted - so we just stayed a few paces back as she started muttering under her breath & looking frantically around.  She was obviously shocked when my wife picked Dude up & tickled him.  I was glad this woman was at least looking out for a child's well-being - I'm not sure I want to know what her assumptions were though....  In most cases, it's interesting & mildly entertaining to watch - depending on the person.  You can almost hear what they are thinking by watching their facial expressions.  The lightbulb starts to go on when we pick Dude up or one of the kids tickles him or chases him (or honestly, sometimes pushes & runs - they all think it's funny to do to each other sometimes.... Super Lu doesn't like when I push her & run though...).

I know that this offends some parents to go thru, but really, what else should we expect?

We don't try to be gender-indifferent (or ignore it), so why would we try to ignore that we are different skin colors?  That's ridiculous.  We're not stereotyping or singling anyone out.  We're equal but different.  Not a big deal.  Strangers see a different race and start looking for the corresponding parent.  If you don't like it, then start petitioning to take matching games or card games or sports jerseys off the market.  In the absence of information, our base response is to start matching the similarities.  Most card games involve matching numbers or suits.  I think matching similarities is how some people start to make friends.  Even if you are playing a pick-up basketball game with a few friends & a few strangers, you still need a different color jersey or to go "shirts & skins" to differentiate who is on the same team.  Matching is natural sometimes.  It's the prejudices, stereotypes or assumptions that accompany it that can be incredibly destructive.

I'll tell you this: we will NOT be getting matching shirts for every time we leave the house as a family!  We know who we're with - it's just fun to watch other people try to figure it out sometimes.

I.B.

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